To be honest, the past 6 weeks have been....well, tough. They have included a breakup (although even at the time, I was somewhat grateful for that, but even so, things ending are rarely fun), stresses at work, a friend moving, church drama and trying to decide if I am going to go elsewhere, and finding out a boy I really cared for last year (who left me because he was in love with his ex still) is finally over her and dating again (ain't timing a b*tch? we can't redo this but if we could, I would meet him now at the right time when there wasn't too much water under the bridge) Each of these items may seem small, but pile them together and tons of stress!
So, as thanksgiving comes around, in some ways, I don't feel like thanking God. in some ways, being thankful this year has been a struggle. A year ago, I was praying the same prayers...Lord show me your will. Lord provide clarity on what I should do with my life. Lord provide healing in this relationship. Lord show me if I should live here or there. Lord bring me a godly man. And, a year later, no answers, still waiting... but even when we don't feel like thanking God, we should, and not only should we (out of obediance), we should strive to see the MANY MANY MANY reasons we have to be thankful.
And yet in some ways, I do feel like praising and thanking him. In some ways, its easy. 2010-2011, even with all its hard moments has included some of the BEST moments of my life (Jack being born, Auburn NC). And, what is more, I have seen the Lord's provision on a daily basis. I do not think I have clung to the Lord and tried so hard to trust Him (asking him to make my heart trust and have faith) in any year past like I have this year. For that, I am thankful.... It's hard to be thankful for the process, but I am thankful for the result...so, I am thankful.
So, although things don't seem different this year, I am different. I have changed - and it only occured through pain and broken relationships and stress at church and constantly having to turn to my Savior to get me through. That is worth being thankful for. Later this week, I plan on doing a post on my thanksgiving blessings and on that list, I am including some of the bad too. Because whether or not it was easy, every circumstance was God's will and His provision. And every circumstances served a purpose in refining me.
I saw this on Facebook today and I had to share:
"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places." Habakkuk 3:17-19
Even when it appears we don't have much to thank Him for, we do. . Despite what appears to be lacking in our lives, we have a God who is our strength, comfort and peace. Let us thank Him and rejoice in Him this coming week.