Our first "HOME SWEET HOME"

Praise the Lord, we have a home!! Despite the stress of finding one, we really are lucky we found one in 3 weeks!  Due to how hard it had been, we were quite worried that come July, we would still be looking.

We wanted a 1br and we wanted to eventually live in the Courthouse/Rosslyn area of Arlington...and that's exactly what we got...although we weren't looking there yet for fear we could not afford it.

However, we are signing on a lease Saturday that is the opposite of what we wanted immediately.  We thought we would sublet or at most, sign a 6 month lease --for a tiny studio.  This way we could figure out exactly what we could afford (on two salaries) and where we wanted to live. NOT to mention, we could save a but each month in rent.

But, sublets for studio/1br apartments proved hard to come by.  And 6 month leases often added cost to each month's rent due to the short term nature of the lease -- so you don't save very much.  And, as I've shared before, studios weren't an option at many Virginia apartments.

So when Dave's friend gave us this lady's number and it was a 1br in the area we liked for 100-150 more than our originial short term budget, we decided to jump in to a 12 month lease.  I didn't want to get stuck somewhere I didn't like for my than 6 months, but this is where we want to be and we are likely not going to find a good deal like this again for awhile.  It was more than we budgeted for the first few months but less than we were planning to spend on our first 12 month lease, so it evened out!

I just think it's funny how apartment hunting changes you views of things.  I wanted a sublease to figure things out first and now I am so relieved to have a 12 month lease and know I won't be moving again for awhile!  We had ideas about what we thought was best, but God opened and closed the right doors at the right time.

A little about our place: its a 1br with a parking space in a small 3 story apartmemt building with maybe 12 units in it.  It lacks the amenities like a pool or garage but is clean, 2 blocks from the metro, in a safe residential area, has laundry on site, and has hardwood floors. 

The little street we will live on is great -- sidewalk for running, condos, homes and apartment complexes! BUT its a 2 block walk to the main street full of restaurants, bars, etc. There will soon be a new metro line (the silver line) -- coming late summer/spring that goes all the way out to Tyson's Corner/Mclean, just a few blocks from Dave's office, so soon he can avoid the traffic too and just hop on the metro. (SEE, from Courthouse all the way out to Tyson's Corner!)

So come see us everyone :) we would love visitors!!  BUT give us some time to get our furniture moved in (late July/early Aug) Just imagine it with my mid century pieces, a few handmedowns and LOTS of MS prints (with all my pics of oxford, auburn, jackson, cotton, etc, no one will doubt where my heart belongs!)
OH, and a little about our new 'HOOD: COURTHOUSE

A few days ago, when it seemed every place would fall through or not work out, I said to Dave: "I am ready for this move to be exciting again!" Moving far away from family and friends is still stressful, but as the details work out, it gets exciting again.  Sure, I don't have a job yet and money is tight, but the Lord has been so good to us and will continue to faithfully walk us through every life situation we face, including a move and marriage within a few weeks.  I can't wait to see the life we have ahead of us in Courthouse!

Thankfulness = Trusting

I love this post on Fast Pray's blog.  It discusses how to be thankful in times of singleness, divorce, death, loss during the holiday season.  I love what the author says in these two paragraphs, particularly the last sentence about thankfulness being an act of surrender, trust and worship.

"It is so easy to offer our praise and thanks to God when things are good in our lives, basically when we feel thankful. But what I constantly have to remind myself of is that thankfulness isn’t simply a feeling that comes from good things happening. It’s an orienting of the heart that, as we practice it, re-focuses our attention away from painful circumstances and back on Jesus, strengthening our awareness of His consistent presence which is necessary if we’re to endure the many things life throws at us on a regular basis. It is indeed a practice, and one that might not initially match where our hearts are. It can seem inauthentic, as though we’re denying our true feelings or suffering.

As is usually case, the way in which God calls us to follow Him is radically different than what feels natural in this world. I can honestly say I never want to give thanks for the pain in my life. And yet on the occasions I try, I notice that something very subtle shifts inside of me. It’s like a small chasm of space opens up and gives God more room to take up residence with the pain and do the work in my life He’s after. In these instances thankfulness takes on a very different definition, becoming an act of surrender, trust, and worship rather than simply a response to circumstances."

I'll be honest.  This year, despite a lot of loss in our family, I've also got tons to be grateful for, so its less of a struggle (than it has been in the past) to thank God for the good things in my life like family, friends, job and Dave.  BUT I have had those years where thankfulness was incredibly hard - after breakups, broken engagements, in the middle of law school finals when the economy looks so gloomy that it seems I won't find a job, when I was single yet again, etc.  Sometimes I have failed at thankfulness and sometimes I have truly been thankful despite my circumstances.  And some years I have failed and succeeded (women are fickle after all, so my feelings change through the season or even the day ha!)

And sometimes others probably thought I was failing when thankfulness didn't sound like loud jubilant praises.... because some years, thankfulness is exactly what the author said: "an act of surrender, trust, and worship rather than simply a response to circumstances."  Some years, thankfulness is putting one foot in front of the other and continuing to move forward, admitting that your circumstances are hard, but thanking the Lord that He is with you and has plans for you.  Sometimes thankfulness is saying Lord I trust and will surrender.  For me, thankfulness was often giving myself 30 min or an hour to be upset and pray about the situation, then accepting the situation for what it was and moving on to spend the rest of the Holiday celebrating and worshiping.  Afterall, Christmas is not about my marital statuts, my job status, my issues with family or friends; it is about my Savior's birth and the hope that brought and stilll brings.  Likewise, thanksgiving is not about what I don't have, but about the many many times God has been faithful throughout the years. That is something to celebrate despite all my circumstances! 

And despite the difficulties in my life, I have always found such HOPE in the holidays. So many people have hard holidays ahead.  My heart breaks for friends that will be facing this holiday season after the loss of loved ones, divorce, pain, etc.  But I am encouraged to know that in their quiet, "fought for" thankfulness and trust, God can provide HOPE!

What I am Reading Wednesday

1. God is not who I thought He Was (Jon Acuff) -- Thank goodness He isn't who I thought he was, because sometimes my view of Him have been lacking.  I could really relate to this concept of "unlearning God"  We have preconceived incorrect notions about a lot of things in life, including our Savior.

2.Another Jon Acuff article on grace, forgiveness, not needing to be perfect, etc. "I know in my head that, when you give us grace, you are not finishing the process of forgiveness, you are beginning it."


3. I am dating a boy that loves to tell me (a very black and white thinker) to think outside the box which is why I enjoyed this article about holding on to God's words, expecting Him to do marvelous things and seeing God outside our limited box view.
4. WORST MARRIAGE PROPOSAL EVER.   seriously, folks, if this happened to me, I'd say NO, try again.  Not because I am mean, but because this was cruel.

5. I loved this article encouraging men to deal with the fears of rejection and man up.  Women risk rejection in different ways than men so all have to be willing to take a risk.


6. Ever questioned if God really has your best interest at heart? I suppose if you have been hurt or waited for anything in life, then you probably have. THIS ARTICLE was one of the most encouraging articles I have read in weeks, not because it provided answers, but because it summed up what many of us have felt before.

7. Delaying sex improves marriage?  SURPRISE SURPRISE.  Granted, this statistically speaking, not specific to everyone. But, on the whole, delaying sex imrovees communication, sexual quality, relationship satisfaction and stability.  It's nice when obediance has benefits

8. This is a good article on a trend I have seen lately: making families and marriage an idol.  This article talks about making God's gifts into gods.You see this in small "noble" ways like obsession with a certain type of schooling, birthing, parenting style in which you believe you are superior if you do those things (not attacking a certain type of parenting style) and you also see this in pettier areas such as exclusive young mom groups at churches. AND I think this notion of making God's gifts into gods applies to lots of things: career, enjoying your single days, obsession with marriage or boyfriends, college football (gulp), friends, etc.

His Answers

read this article. about turning to God in times of famine...about seeking Him for solutions. so encouraging.  and reminds me how I feel in life many times.

Sometimes everything is going wrong. and I try to fix it-- and then when I can't fix it, I give up. And then so many times everything is going right and I'm scared to enjoy it because everything will fall apart.

Sometimes things are going great and then rough times hit...even small annoyances.  This author talks about the difficulties of moving after marriage, being told she had fertility issues, struggling to make friends and get her business going again in a new area.  But every small dissapointment adds up.

She learned really quickly that you have to hand it over to the Lord.  So she did....  and when she gave the issues to Him to fix, she started making friends, her business picked up, and she discovered she was pregnant.

Now, this isn't how life works out all the time. Handing things over doesn't mean our problems are always fixed or that they are fixed in our timing or in our way. BUT, it does mean we are trusting the Lord with the issues so He will sustain us and bring redemption, growth and blessing.  I'd be curious to know what issues the author still has - because I am sure she would tell us that surrendering issues to the Lord is still a daily struggle.

However, I think its no coincidence that when she started accepting her circumstances and trusting the Lord to work the problems out (instead of just her fighting for improvement), thats when she saw improvements.  The Lord had plans all along, but he just wanted to bring her to the end of herself so she knew HE brought the solutions, not she, her husband, her boss, her doctor...but the LORD alone had answers.

My favorite portion of the article is when she describes going to the doctor expecting to find out something was wrong with her (after she had surrendered her struggles to the Lord) and instead she was informed she was pregnant. She states that the fertility drugs (her solution) still lie in the drawer unopened (and certainly the Lord could've used fertility drugs to bring her a child, but the point is that was her solution and He had his own solution!)

What a tangible example of the Lord answering with better answers than our own.  In my own life, there are many things I'm trying to make happen -- improvements in my job and relationships and personal appearance and goals etc etc.  I will keep trying hard at all these things, but I want to do a better job at surrendering all of these issues to the Lord.  He can cause change and improvement in a better way than I can.  Maybe in a few months, I will look back and see my own versions of "unopened fertility drugs" because the Lord provided in ways I hadn't imagined.  And, maybe, the answers won't come as quickly as they did for the author, but at the end of the day, His provision and answers will still proove to be best.

So, what issues are you trying to fix on your own? Family issues? Relationships? Job troubles? Kid issues? Financial stress?  While reading self help books, making budgets, having big talks and arguments with loved ones, applying for new jobs, putting in extra hours, etc, have you surrendered the issues to the Lord?  I encourage you to do so, the Lord has better solutions than the ones you have, and surrendering your struggles to Him is freeing.

Closed Doors

Recently, my family had a door close that seemed so much like the right door.  Doors slamming are so hard to deal with, especially when the doors were originally wide open, so certain and seemingly, so good.
With this closed door came the realization for me, atleast, that nothing in life is certain -- even things that are good and glorifying to God aren't for certain...not relationships, friendships, family, health, jobs, ministries, etc. (I know, I know, I, like most people, have been through MANY situations where I realize earthly relationships and things aren't certain, but how quickly I return to needing them)

This concept of a life of uncertainty was hard to swallow for a few days until I reminded myself of the one door that never closes, the one certainty that doesn't change. I'm 99 percent sure my family will always be by my side and vice versa, but even that is not certain.  Only my Savior is certain....and I am grateful for that and clinging even more to the certainty that is Jesus Christ.

The funny thing about closed doors is that often times the same doors are wide open until you get near. I think its a common misconception that always make is that other people are ALWAYS trying to make the closed doors work, assuming they were open. I remember after my engagement ended, people tried to tell me that I must have missed the signs, that I must have desired marriage so badly that I was working so hard to make it work (not true, as I had no desire originally to get married at a young age). I disagree -- I prayerfully sought the Lord's will in that relationship and would never have entered that engagement unless I believed I was called to that marriage. I told people I felt it was the Lord's will for me to engaged to the man, but obviously the door closed, so it was not God's will for me to marry him. It was an open door that became a closed door, but the door wasn't closed from the beginning. Just because a door is closed does not mean the person recklessly, sinfully pursued a closed door.

And, although there are plenty of times when I selfishly try to make clearly closed doors OPEN, I think I recently (and on multiple other occasions) have realized that the Lord works through closing doors after we already begin walking toward that same door opened.

Would it be easier if every closed door started that way? For sure.  I wish life was full of clear yeses and nos from the beginning.  I wish God didn't allow an open door to give you encouragement and hope, before He shuts it.

But, maybe He waits to close the door because He wants us to realize that our hope should be on Him, the opener and closer of doors, and not on the doors themselves.  Maybe He draws us to doors that suddenly close because through that process, we are shown the right door.  In some cases, maybe the door closes for a time then opens again.

All I know is that I serve a God who is certain in a world that is not.  He is an open door when other doors close.  He is the one that opens and closes doors in His timing and for His glory.  He is the One that uses dissapointments, broken dreams, heartaches to shape and grow us.  He is the one that redeems closed doors.

Sometimes, in my finite wisdom, I wish he would slam the door quicker (I sure have felt that way about boyfriends and breakups before as well as job opportunities), but the Lord shuts the doors at the right moment, for this I am grateful.

I pray my heart can be as excited about the opener of doors as I am about the doors when they finally open, and maybe it takes weeks, months and years of doors opening and closing for our hearts to finally cling to Him.

"What I'm reading" Wednesday (or Thursday) and a Phone Photo Dump

Usually I point to some good articles on Wednesday, but I was too busy confessing yesterday so I forgot. So here are a few Thursday articles.

Here's a good article on hope...not just eternally, but now.

When God doesn't give you a plan... learning to trust His plan even when you don't see it at the time.

10 things to tell teenage girls...and actually ten things we could all probably benefit from!

Also, I realize my blog has become very boring -- no pictures! So here is an iphone dump from the past couple months!



At our friends' wedding....

Learning to fish like a real Mississippi Girl..... (yes I know this is not how you hold the fish, but I was just holding it up in a victory pose for the picture)

Charity Ball Preparty....

Mardi Gras...in the rain...

Nola Aquarium (since it rained most of mardi gras)...

At the governor's ball...

Gratefulness/Brokeness to Beauty

Brokeness to Beauty is probably the reoccuring theme in my life.  I look at pain I've gone through and even worse pain that so many close to me have experianced and often wonder if the Lord can redeem that.  I think the problem is that He does redeem and restore, but we have a hard time accepting an idea of good that is different from what we once knew or what we thought would happen.

Example: Even if I met Mr Right tomorrow and got married 6 months from now, I think I am still going to be frustrated that I went through a broken engagement, that my life took awhile to work out, that I had to wait.  I had a picture in my head of how it would work out (and a picture that came not from my own preconcieved notions, but from what was my reality for awhile) -- that I might have a hard time accepting a wonderful blessing that comes in a form or timeline I did not want.

I think the same can be said for those who have waited for Children or to buy a home or to finally get into the job/ministry/missions they wanted. Or waited for healing from physical pain...When we get to the blessing, how do we not let the years of waiting hurt us, color our views, make us bitter? My biggest struggle and fear is to not let myself get frustrated at God when his blessings come on His timeline not mine.  I should just be grateful the blessings come, but I can't help but think what were the years of waiting for???

And I know I am not alone in this.  Thats why I loved this blog post about bruises leading to beauty and this blog post about what God means for good.

maybe the problem is that we already have an idea of what life is supposed to be. What I think is best is not necessarilly whats best.  And maybe what needs to be adjusted isn't God's timeline but my idea of what's good (and everyone else's idea of what's good)  I would hate to miss the learning along the way and more importantly, I would hate to miss the joy of His blessings when they come because I am still arguing with Him about His timeline.

So my current goal in life is to stop having such a preconceived notion of when things have to happen, to start seeing the purpose of waiting, to enjoy my blessings now and to just appreciate the blessings when they come, rather than be angry they didn't happen earlier.

I am considering doing that 1000 gifts gratefulness list thing, but I haven't read the book yet.  However I get the concept. It makes sense. We all struggle with wishing for certain blessings and wishing they came on our timeline that we often miss the small blessings each day.  I'd like to start counting.  I think my time wouldn't feel like waiting always if I noticed what the Lord was doing now, not what I wish he had done now.

anyone do a gratefulness list?? Tell me about it. I'm dying to know and excited to start counting my blessings.  I want to see how even the bad things are used by God and how even small blessings saturate my daily life.

Scotty Smith

Scotty Smith is a preacher in Nashville. I follow him on facebook and he always posts good quotes.  The past few have really hit home. I thought I would share!


"God is at peace in himself, and in his presence there is peace. The most repeated negative command in Scripture is ‘fear not.’ It appears 365 times — one for each day of the year — and is usually followed by ‘for I am with you.’ God would have us understand that factoring in his presence always changes the equation." - Ramon Presson, "When Will My Life Not Suck? "


“It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates”  - Amy Carmichael


"Self-pity is a death that has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink." - Elizabeth Elliot


“When you love someone, you love the person as they are, and not as you'd like them to be.” - Leo Tolstoy


"Never underestimate the capacity you have to harm someone's heart, and Jesus' capacity to heal a heart, including yours" - Scotty Smith


"You can't test courage cautiously". - Annie Dillard


“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart." - Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment


"God doesn't give us second chances; he give us Jesus. His name is Redeemer, not Re-do." - Scotty Smith


‎"God has a plan to help bring justice to the world -- and his plan is us." - Gary Haugen, founder of International Justice Mission


Just some encouraging words for tonight!

not typical resolutions

In the words of counting crows, "It's been a long december and there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last..."

December began good and didn't end very poorly, but God certainly knew what He was doing by drawing my attention to advent because the last couple weeks of December were stressful and frustrating at times....and I was relieved to see it end......and after reading people's facebook statuses on New Years, I realize that most people felt the same way I did about 2011: Ehhhh.....  not the worst year but certainly nothing special. It was filled with challenges in relationships, church, work, frustrations, etc.

I also noticed two sentiments: unbridled hope that the number of a year or a new years resolution could change one's life so drastically (not that goal setting is bad) or continued pessimism that the next year would be as uneventful or as hurtful as the year before.

I don't want any of these sentiments. I want to hope, but not in my own abilities, in my Lord. And, I don't want to pessimistic....I want to believe the Lord is working in me and that there will be changes in me a year from now....So on top of my "I am going to start running" and "bill more hours at work" type of resolutions, here are some of mine for the new year:

1. I want to go forth each day, each month, each year -- believing that we have a God that can bless, heal, provide and most importantly, work for our good (even when it doesn't feel that way). I want to trust His timing.

2. Although advent has ended, I don't want to leave the manger at Christmas. I want to constantly be aware that God is with us, that as I watch families mourn sick ones or try to encourage a friend struggling with temptation or loss or loneliness, Our God knows that pain...and felt it.

3. I want to live in constant prayer -- for myself and others....prayer that believes; prayer that is immediate and constant; and prayer that is true relationship with my Savior, not just words and formulas and  checklists.

4. I want to live very aware of my sin and God's grace- but also, making an effort to put sin to death on a daily basis.

5. I want to live more aware of how to love others well, even better than myself-- striving to care for hurting friends more and striving to even pray for my enemies (this last one is the hardest for me). This will be hard - loving others well and praying for those who hurt me -- but the Lord loves us well and hopefully through Him, I can care for others.

6. I want to be aware of God's faithfulness and protection- even in the smallest measures....the friend who happens to call on a day where you were feeling down or the way you barely avoided that wreck on the interstate. We look for His provision in so many ways and feel dissapointed but sometimes He provides for us daily in small ways and we often don't notice those.

Trusting

I love Fabs Harford's blog.  If you haven't ever read her stuff, do it today, you will love her honesty..She seems to say what I know we are all thinking.  I loved her recent article.

She talked about how she thought she "let go of" a situation and gave it to God because she quit wanting it so much, quit praying so desperately.  Essentially, she convinced herself that she didn't want what she wanted....

The she said,

I think one of the truths I’m learning through all this is that trusting God doesn’t mean you don’t hurt.  On the contrary, I think trusting God means you are not afraid to hurt.  I think trusting God means you can beg boldly with all the emotion in your heart without holding anything back.


You can tell if something is an idol when you pray for it with ultimatums and anger.  You can also tell if something is an idol when you don’t pray for it with all the emotion you feel.  You hold hopes unspoken in your heart in the name of ‘faith’ out of a desire to protect yourself from disappointment.  I couldn’t pray boldly because I didn’t want to get my hopes up.  I would be too devastated if God failed me

In reality, she had held on to that desire and was convinced God could do nothing about it.  She refused to bring her heart and all of its hurts and longings before the God who made it. When she was finally honest and came before God with her real prayers and real desires, she said...

There are no corners left for me to govern.  I can’t manage my expectations.  I can’t try to get ahead of whatever might be round the corner.  Trusting God means walking through pain and emotion without fear.

This article is so true of most people in so many stages of life. We alternate between extreme hope that God will answer yes, and he better do it or else...or we decide that if we really trust God, we will quit asking, quit praying, just take whats given, refusing to beleive He can change our circumstances and answer our prayers. Both are wrong. We should be somewhere in the middle, honest, vulnerable even pathetically hopeful with our desires, lying them before the feet of the only one who can answer....yet choosing to worship Him whether that answer be Yes or No.

I jump from one extreme to the other, but rarely am at the middle ground. Today, I pray I trust God enough to surrender, yet enough to hope. Both are essential parts of faith in Him and His provision. And, yes, trusting may mean hurting- longing - waiting, but if you trust God, you trust that He knows how to answer and that laying your heart before him will not be in vain.  Do you trust God in the hurt? Do you trust God enough to hurt?

Friday Thoughts

Not much to say today except its been a LONG week and long weeks when you are single can sometimes suck.....because it feels your daily battle are only your own.  But, its all perspective, I guess, because as much as I wanted to have someone to come home to last night, I also realized I didn't have to go home and cook for anyone, change diapers, get anyone ready for bed...instead, I made myself dinner, watched TV, chatted with a friend and went to bed early.  And, I have the blessing of spending saturday in Starkville with friends this weekend, cheering AGAINST alabama (note: not for MSU)

ALSO, I was cleaning out my email and discovered this quote I had saved, reading it again made me smile.  It's true that waiting, trusting and surrendering all go together -- I so many times just hope or just surrender, but there is a unique balance of giving ourselves, our requests and our lives to God, trusting Him to decide whats best yet hoping that he provides what we ask.... there is a balance between hoping and trusting, and I am always trying to find that balance. Anyways, here's the quote - it was too good not to share:

To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God moulds us according to God's love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control.

Henri J. M. Nouwen

Not what I expected....

**NOTE: this was not written by me. It was written by Christian Author, Leigh McElroy. I just loved it enough to pass it along....


I'd arranged to meet a friend for dinner and was looking forward to our visit at
a small cafe a few blocks from home. But her last minute message said she was under
the weather, and couldn't make it. So instead of hurrying back from an afternoon
of errands, I stopped in at a favorite flower market and spent nearly an hour fingering
and smelling luscious autumn-colored blooms. Then I wandered through a half acre
of pumpkins in a city church yard, taking in the sprawling sea of orange on the
coolest day of the year so far. It wasn't the evening I expected, but it was lovely,
just the same.

Expectations are tricky things. As soon as we get our minds or hearts firmly fixed
on something--whether it's a tantalizing menu item that's no longer available, or
a choice work opportunity that fails to materialize--we set ourselves up for disappointment.
When we decide what is best, we judge anything other than that to be less-than-desirable.
But the answer is not to avoid longing, to abandon striving, or to become numb and
indifferent to loss. The answer is to hold our expectations loosely, believing that
God's surprises--even the most confusing ones--have the deep capacity to delight...and
that maybe, just maybe, we don't know best what it is we need most.

Joseph probably didn't think a stint in an Egyptian prison was a good career move.
But it was. There is no way Mary and Martha believed that a three day delay by Jesus
when their brother was gravely ill could end gloriously. But it did. And when the
wandering Israelites' mouths watered for meat and fruit and honey cakes, they must
have looked at the heaps of morning manna surrounding them and said, "Really God?
Really?" Because if I expect freedom, I chafe at limits--even constructive ones.
If I believe death is the final word, I'll be deaf to the Savior's compelling promise
of life. And if I expect meat, I am destined to be forever unhappy with the mercy
that is manna.

In truth, the blessing of God is that He gives us what He knows we need, even when
we've told him in no uncertain terms what it is we'd rather have. He's so very good
that way.

So here's to God's next confounding turn of events. It will not be His last. May
I have the grace to trust Him all the way to joy when what I get is not what I
expected.

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable
his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! For from him and through him and
to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.(Romans 11: 23, 36 NIV)

God's Shield

Tim Keller is one of my favorite preachers/writers. You used to have to pay for his sermons but can now get several of them (maybe 30 or 40?) through itunes podcast for free. I highly suggest you download some, especially the pocast "Praying our Fears"

Anxiety is fear, its a general fear. Few things really cause me to fear. Very few specifics, but I do have a general anxiety of things not working out, of bad things happening. What if I never get married? What if I can't have children? What if my parents get sick? I don't think of these in a very fearful way, but I do always feel anxious about if something awful happened, how would I make it through? Ironically enough, bad things have happened and God has gotten me through, so that should be enough to remind me of His grace, faithfulness and provision...but the human memory (or maybe just my memory) for God's goodness seems to be short.

Keller talked about Psalm 3 in his sermon. Verse 3 says that God is a shield AROUND David, not in front of, AROUND. There are two types of shields - the small ones that you wear on your arm in hand to hand combat. This is when you are fighting and you might need to move the shield in front of your face to defend yourself. Then, there is the type of shield that is the size of a door and curves around you. This kind of shield is used only in the most dangerous situations...as you follow your general into harm's way.

The way the second shield works (and I don't know if this is by design to keep men from fleeing, or it just so happens to be this way...) is that as you move forward, the shield can serve to protect, no matter how scary, tragic, dangerous, you have a shield in front and on your sides (AROUND) you. There is still danger as you proceed forward...BUT it is far more dangerous to retreat...because then you would have NO protection. your exposed unprotected back would be to the danger. You only thought it was dangerous moving forward, its almost lethal fleeing.

So, the shield only protects if you obey, move forward and trust...if you follow your general into harms way, into whatever scary path lie in front of you. Same's true with God, His protection is there when we OBEY and FOLLOW him into the scary parts of life, the parts where we could get hurt, family members could die or leave us, friends could abandon, we could end up single or barren or sick, but choosing to go the path God has chosen TRUSTING and OBEYING Him is what provides a shield around us....Fleeing, choosing to make things happen on our own or refusing to trust Him is what leaves our back exposed.

I am someone who does well with pictures. After all, every time I see a Lion, I think of Aslan and thus, I think of Jesus. So, this picture sticks with me. I sometimes see friends take dating into their own hands - try to date nonbelievers, compromise their morals, settle for the wrong man or woman...God's protection is most directly on us when we go forward in obediance to Him. I see men and women give up hope when trials come -- choosing an affair over fixing their marriage or seeking other means of happiness than the Lord because life, work, friends have failed. As dangerous and scary as walking in the Lord may seem when walking in the Lord may mean troubles, walking without the Lord and without His protection is scarier. An open unprotected back, no shield, plenty of dangers.

Keller states that the Lord is a shield around us, protecting us DURING the battles, trials, and hurts, not FROM them. He also states that sometimes God allows small hurts because this pain, this warning or even this growth keeps us from even worse hurts. Ever think of it that way? I sure don't. We don't see how much worse things could be so we don't know what we were protected from. A failed relationship is easier than a failed marriage. A job offer that falls through could be keeping us from a bad job situation or opening the door for a better one.

I was so encouraged by this sermon and hope everyone downloads it. I am choosing to walk through today TRUSTING that the Lord is a shield around me in every good and bad moment, that nothing happens to me that doesn't first pass through His hand...and that although following Him certainly is scary, fleeing from Him and losing that protection is scarier.

This time I will praise the Lord

3. "This Time I will praise the Lord."

Do you remember the story of Jacob and Leah and Rachel? He loved Rachel and did not love Leah. And this tore Leah apart. Every time Leah had a child, she thought "This time my husband will love me." and finally, on the last time, she quit thinking it would end in the result she wanted and she would earn his favor. Instead, she boldly proclaimed "this time I will praise the Lord"

I heard a sermon by Tim Keller on that a few months ago, and I realized that every time I quit dating someone (especially if he ended it), I get upset and start stressing about no prospects left. I automatically assume the Lord is not looking out for me, that no good things will ever happen again....

And to be fair, I have a track record of bad things happening...but you know what? I also have a track record of some pretty big blessings, some which come during hard times. And, even if the situation appears only bad, my God is working for me.

(sidenote: I do this in all of life- every time there is a job that falls through or a friend that betrays or a failure in school, work, etc. I always think, "well why was I hopeful or content in my circumstances? things ALWAYS fall apart...)

So, when I heard this sermon, I promised myself that I would make a committed effort to praising the Lord when circumstances fail -- particularly in dating. I told myself that instead of getting negative like the past, instead of trying to fix everything on my own, I would try to remember Leah and how she finally quit trying to make the situation perfect and finally surrendered, saying "This time I will praise the Lord"

And, its good that I was scheduled to write about this too, because the past couple days I have been a little mopey. Not because I think this was the right guy for me, but because now I am alone and there seems to be no one on the horizon that I can see... I have been dating a few different guys since march and after each one, I never really had time to think, "Well is there someone else out there for me?" because I immediately met someone new. I never had to stop and worry if I would ever meet the right guy. Now, I have to. Now, after all the laughter and relief that this last guy is out of my life, I have time to stop and worry.

And, a little time to bounce back is fine, its natural, but falling into a pattern of negativity is not. So, right now, I am fighting with everything in me to say "This time I will praise the Lord" I committed to saying that a few months ago and now the Lord has allowed me the opportunity. All circumstances -- singleness, barreness, sickness, heartache, loneliness, disability, etc come from our Father - and all can be used for our good.

So, I choose to believe that this too is an opportunity to praise the Lord-- for his protection, for his provision, for his soverign control of my current, very single, circumstances. It takes reminding myself of this a few times daily, BUT if Leah can praise the Lord in a loveless marriage where her sister was adored, I can praise the Lord in singleness.

So, this time, I will praise the Lord. I will be dissapointed, I will be frustrated, BUT I will not quit praising and trusting.

The cross is always difficult.

I really enjoyed this article on Precious Adornment website.

The author (who is now married) shares an article about singleness and Corrie ten Boom. I won't repeat all she says because both the author and Corrie do an excellent job already...but I will summarize: some people are called to lifelong singleness and many of those people (although I am certain not all) are content. Thats how Corrie was. But some are called to it temporarilly, in preparation for the future when they are married.

The in between years are used to prepare for marriage and teach the single woman (or man) that happiness can only be found in Jesus. This echoes the recent feelings in my own heart. A friend and I were discussing our unwanted singleness the other day and though I still don't like it, I have recently been more content with it (I hesitate to write that here because as soon as I say it, I am sure I will feel discontent!) It's not so much that I feel happy, but I have felt more content longing for something.... more able to live a happy life even if the thing I want the most is not there.

I told that same friend that the one huge blessing of singleness (that we don't realize is happening while it is) is that we learn to be okay with unmet longings. I think I have now come to the conclusion that I will always be longing for something - a spouse, children, a job, friends, owning a home, etc. And that longing drives me to my Savior, because the truth of the matter is, what I am ultimately longing for is heaven. So give me a husband and I wont be happy. Give me children or the perfect job or perfect home and I will still have some part of me that wants more. Why? because this world is fallen and imperfect and I was not made for this world.

Some of my married peers still seem to think life is supposed to be free of unmet longings. I think it is because their longings were always met quickly: they got married so early and had children when they wanted, moved into a home, etc etc. And they may learn the same lesson I do, but just at a different time than I do. So, as much as I don't want to be at the stage of life I am at right now, I find it a blessing that I am learning to live with longings because I will be living that way (in some form or fashion) until my Savior comes back. I am now more aware than ever of my longing for heaven!

When a lady told Corrie that living the single life longer than she wanted was too hard, Corrie replied that "The cross is always difficult" That hit home with me. In our Christian culture, we glorify all of our blessings as gifts from God (which they are) but with Christianity comes difficulty as well.

We should be more sensitive of the struggles and waiting of others, encouraging them to use it as preparation for the future -- both practically and in their relationship with Christ. Don't have a job? How can you prepare for one and how can you find your identity in your Savior? Longing for children? Prepare. Trust. We should gently point eachother to the cross, both acknowldging the difficulty but reminding eachother that following the way of the cross is difficult. We should not be surprised, scriptures states that we will have many troubles in this world (John 16:33) but that He will overcome the world!

This is the day

God has a day for you.

I read this article and it hit home with a simple truth I often forget -- God has each day planned. When I have a fender bender and dent my bumper (last week), that day was planned. When the boy I was dating last fall hurt me badly and my heart was breaking, that day was planned -- as was the day I met him. When a baby refuses to come on its due date and comes late, or even worse, comes too early, that day is planned. The day I got a job offer, that day was planned. The Lord is in charge of each and every day.

God knows which day the suffering comes and which day it ends. As the author says, if you are suffering (or waiting), today could be the last day of your stress and hardship, you never know...and even if it doesn't end today, the Lord knows when it will. Every day is planned.

Doesn't that make today sound exciting? Today, I could meet a new friend, or do something great at work, or meet the man I will marry, or hear/read a verse/quote/etc. that changes my view on the World. Today, like every day, the Lord has planned how he will change my life- and how he will change yours- with good and bad things.

I also find it hopeful because I'll never know when the days he will bless me immensely are. I won't wake up one morning and say "Today I will meet the man I will marry" or "Today I will meet an amazing friend" or "Today I will stumble across an important message or this friend will tell me some piece of good news" But, any day, that could happen. Any day, God is working. And even when the news is bad or the heart is broken or the friend abandons, those days God is working as well.

This is the day that the Lord has made, every day is the day He has made.

Trading the plan for the party

I loved this article and had to share.

The prodigal son had to trade his plan to get the party.

What a comfort knowing that in letting go of how you planned your life to work out, God has something better.

Its just a year...

Lately, God has been impressing on my heart to make it through a year... I know some people view life as making it through a day or month at a time and that is VERY true...but I am talking about give it a year to see change in your life. If today is a bad day, I can survive today..but I likely won't see change tomorrow.... BUT if today is bad because you hate your job, you want to lose weight, your marriage is struggling, you have not met the right man, you are waiting to get pregnant, etc., etc., then you likely won't wake up and see change - atleast major change tomorrow (unless you wake up pregnant, but even then you likely won't know for a few weeks!) This kind of change usually involves time and waiting.

However, the long act of waiting indefinately can seem overwhelming. So, I have started taking life one year at a time. If something is awful today, a year from now, with work and prayer, I bet I see some change!

As a single woman with many single friends, I most often hear friends say this with regards to dating. "A year ago I was dating the wrong man." "A year ago, I wasn't dating anyone and now I've met the man I will marry." or my favorite, most recently, on Cinco de Mayo, my friend MK and I were laughing about how I left a party at her future husband's house to come to a party and meet up with her. and a year later, we were all celebrating the holiday together - because they had met, dated, gotten engaged and were a couple months from marriage! God certainly does work in a year. Also, I was recently encouraged by this article about a woman who gave up on dating and a year later was engaged...the concept of provision in year in dating or any other circumstance is very encouraging!

Like my stories of others "one year" experiances, I have also seen this concept play out in my life.... I felt completely alone my last year of law school, but a year later I was in Jackson making amazing friends. I wasn't completely at home here yet, but I could see God working. A couple years ago, I wanted to date more and meet the right man. That didn't happen, but a year later I was dating more - a lot more. It has been my experiance that a year rarely ends up in an 180 degree turn (although it certainly can!) but I usually can look back and say this is how God worked last year. A month is often too short for me (in my sinful narrowmindedness) to see God's changes in me, others and my circumstances... BUT, in a year, his faithfulness is always noticible, even to us narrowminded sinners!

Who knows where my life will be a year from now? I would love to find a job closer to home (I have a really long commute). I would love to have met the man I will marry. I would love to be a little more certain about what I want to do with my life and career. I would love to not be struggling with the same sins Will I have found all these things? Maybe, maybe not...I don't know the Lord's timing nor do I know whats best for me. But, I do think I look back and see huge changes in these areas... a year will clearly give me the ability to see how God has slowly changed and improved me and my circumstances... and who knows? Maybe a year from now, my prayers in certain areas will be answered.

After all, even in the Bible, we have measurements of time...this is partly for practical reasons (measuring time to keep track of when things happened), but I think its also to "measure" the Lords faithfulness - each morning (His mercies are new every morning!), each month, each year, each generation.

So what are you struggling with today? Marital problems? infertility? sin? no spouse? lonely and need friends? looking for a new job? need to lose weight? Maybe make a promise to yourself and God to pray faithfully this year and look back and see how he has provided and carried you the past year.

Jesus Sleeping

I love this blog post on Jesus Sleeping on the boat and the disciples waking Him.

I love the distinction it makes between waking Jesus due to a distrust that He would take care of the problem and waking Jesus because of a trust He will take care of the problem.

SIDENOTE:
I am a big believer in persistant prayer. I haven't always been, but the Lord has flooded my life over the past year with verses, quotes, articles, etc on praying persistantly and constantly and believing the Lord can answer. Often times in reformed circles we focus so much on God's will that I think if I pray once for healing or provision and it does not come, certainly the answer is no and I must accept it. I think that scripture is pretty clear that you must ask to recieve and that there is something that happens with persistant prayer. Surely God could give me the answer yes or no immediately. He could step in and solve all of my problems this very minute, but what I would lose in exchange for that is too great. The time I spend praying and coming to Him with petitions AND thanksgiving is a bigger blessing than the answer I seek. So while I want to accept God's no's, I try not to think every prayer that does not immediately result in a friend's healing, a spouse, salvaging of a friendship, overcoming of a certain sin, etc is a No...sometimes these answers come after years of prayer and sometimes the prayer changes us.

BACK TO MY ORIGINAL POINT...
In this article, the author makes the point that Jesus could have been rebuking them for the unbelief that led them to wake Him in the first place..or He could be upset not for the waking but the fear they showed once they awoke. I have no theological backing for this, but I believe its the latter. I think He rebuked them because they woke Him due to their fear and lack of trust. Andree Seu points out that the story could have been different...they could have woken Him because of the scary circumstances with the intention of having Him fix things.

At that point, maybe Jesus would have said to them that they came to the right person to calm the storm, that they had faith in the only person who could calm the storm. Thats not how the story goes, of course...but I think its an interesting thought in how we approach Christ....See, they were rebuked for little faith, not "no faith" or "nonexistant faith".

Isn't that us? Or more importantly, isn't that me? I have some faith. I pray for people and for myself believing God could possibly redeem, heal, provide. But, I often times pray, rather persistantly, but with a belief that it probably won't happen. I think I view it in percentages...maybe there is a 20 percent change that God will step in and save the day....so if I pray enough about enough things, then maybe one out of five requests will be answered...one loved one won't die. One relationship will be saved...but certainly God can't save them all.

I have little faith, some faith -- afterall, just like the disciples, I come to the right person, even if I come anxiously, with doubt and with fear. But Christ would rebuke me, too, for having too little.

The author states, "When I pray to God, I should never pray in an anxious He-loves-me He-loves-me-not way, but with confidence and anticipatory thanksgiving." That hit home. Thats how I pray...Lord, maybe could you provide healing for this relationship, if you are not too busy... Maybe could you heal ____ of this disease, if you so desire...

Why not pray boldly? Why not wake Jesus on the boat and say "There is a storm, please calm it. I know you can! I know you are the only person who can!"

I still understand that not every storm in life will be calmed the way I want or even calmed at all. Sometimes the Lord will help me through that storm BUT it will still remain. However, why wouldn't I come to the only person who can calm the storm in Trust and Belief that He can calm the storm? What good is my persistant prayer if I don't really believe the Lord will step in? Why am I praying at all? Just because I think its right?

Phil 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let yoru requests be known to God."

Ruth

I LOVE the book of Ruth. I love that it is about heros and faith and romance and providence.

I have listened to Mark Driscoll's famous series on Ruth multiple times. Each time I learn so much. For instance, most commentators criticize Naomi....she grew bitter, and everyone knows bitterness is a sin. It is a picture of how we are not supposed to be. But, he sees it differently. She grows bitter and indeed it is a sin, BUT she should be praised in her approach. When she returns to Bethlehem, she announces to her friends, family, community, "I am bitter. I left full, I come back empty." What did she do when she was struggling with this particular sin? She came to God and to His people. She did not try to hide it or fix it on her on. She put herself in Christian community for support encouragement, prayer, a shoulder to cry on, even correction and discipline as she tackled her bitterness. See what I am talking about?? This is cool stuff he uncovers...something I never got from Ruth before!!

Today, on my least favorite day of the year, I listened to it again and this is what I learned this time....

In sermon 3, he talked about was how Boaz was a "r"edeemer (not "R"edeemer). He talked about how God used him as redemption in Ruth's life....the book literally starts with a funeral and ends with a wedding and baby. He came in and played the role of hero to a woman who was destitute. Driscoll makes the point to Christian boys that having a Christian checklist can cause them to miss strong amazing women....expecting almost perfect "Christian from Christian families who have never known pain" women. He makes the point that Boaz married a woman who was dirty, dirt poor gleaming in the fields, a recent Christian convert, widow, not a Virgin, from a Pagan culture known for perversion, who does not have an involved family (her dad was not involved in the whole story), etc.....not who most "Christian Guys" would pick. But she was faithful -- having converted on the road to Bethlehem and literally after being saved for maybe 5 minutes, choosing to follow her bitter mother in law to a Hebrew country (where the likelihood of people liking her due to her Moab background was slim), giving up everything she knew. Thats faith! Then she went to work in the fields to provide for her mother in law-- LOYALTY! And although not the perfect Christian with the perfect Christian background, she was a blessing as a wife because she was strong and had withstood hardship building character and trust through sanctified suffering. Driscoll made the point that why so many men look for the perfect idea of a Christian woman, they might miss out on the strength and character that an "imperfect" redeemed woman could bring to the marriage.

Indeed it is a blessing to grow up in a Christian home with a good life where you can never claim a day where you did not know of the gospel. I was blessed to have that, but I was so encouraged to be reminded that the Lord loves and uses the imperfect-- those who did not grow up Christian, those who have been divorced, or are single moms, widows, had sexual pasts, or maybe, in my case, broken engagements. And I was also encouraged to know that wise godly men love these women too-- that in a way a hurtful past can be a blessing on a marriage....bringing wisdom, strength, character, loyalty, etc. How wonderful to know the Lord redeems even the worst of situations! If he redeemed Ruth, He can redeem the situations of so many women I know! It also encouraged me to challenge myself and my friends not to look for the "perfect Christian" guy with the perfect family, perfect past, but to look for the godly man who the Lord has redeemed.

I encourage everyone to listen to the Ruth series....at Mars Hill Church. These are just two of the things I have learned but the 6 sermons deal with God's hand in suffering, redemption, risk, blessing, etc. Such neat stuff to learn!!