HIS LOVE

I have been an awful blogger and I'm sorry!! Life has been busy, not just wedding/marriage prep busy, busy in general...although the wedding and soon to be marriage counseling etc does take up time!!

I want to say Happy Valentines Day!!! Specifically to my single readers.  Valentines was never a hard day for me as a single, probably because I find the holiday to be cheesy and fun-- a good excuse for chocolate and wine with friends!  Maybe a chick flick and a margarita (what does a marg have to do with Vday? Nothing, I just like margs a lot!)  Christmas was always harder.  Birthdays. Thanksgiving.  But valentines is hard for some people.  And for y'all, I want to say happy Valentines Day, know you are LOVED and celebrate even though you are single.  Buy your friend a rose. Send a card. Enjoy a glass of wine and splurge on some chocolates.

This is a Valentines post mixed with a "stupid things people say to singles" post.

Also, I want you to know that you aren't single because you don't love God enough.  I read an article this week by a girl who married her high school sweetheart and wrote to singles talking about how they need to be more focused on loving God than loving a man, how she was more focused on falling in love with Jesus than falling in love with her husband when they were dating.  It gave the implication that those who are mature don't care so much about love and marriage (easy to say when you are married) and that also that silly implication of when you love Jesus enough, he will give you a spouse.

This is simply not true.  I am engaged and let me tell you the truth: I do not love Jesus enough, I will never love Jesus enough.  I am sure plenty of singles love Him better than I do. I did not, finally, at the age of 27, love Jesus enough so he gave me Dave.  And when married people say this (and sometimes single people say it too), it's a lie. Additionally, it makes our love for Christ very self-motivated.  I need to love Him more and belive He is enough, so He will give me a man to love and to love me. (so I guess I didn't love Him enough because I needed more eh?)

And, I doubt this woman during high school and college and dating her husband always loved Jesus more than him (like she said that she did).  We are sinners. We struggle with remembering WHO is the most important and we slip up.

You will NEVER love Jesus enough. Single. Married. No kids. 10 kids.  You will always fail to love Him like you should.  Your love will never be great enough to appreciate or repay what He has done for you (thankfully, His love is not based on our shortcomings)  Thankfully, for this woman, whos message was intended to be good (albeit a little arrogant), God has grace for her too.  Because her love for her Savior may be great, but its not enough.

Secondly, don't feel badly for wanting to not be single.  I think its so silly for someone who never knew a long period of singleness to sit there and lecture us on finding our fulfillment in Jesus and not looking to love for fulfillment.  Is it true that we should strive to LOVE God despite our circumstances and LOVE Him most, even when life isn't what we should.  She was very right on that point.  BUT, if you wish you had a man today or tomorrow or next month, you aren't a failure, you aren't necessarilly failing to loves Jesus or trust Him.  It's okay to want these things.  It's easy to have those things and act like its no big deal. 

I'm not posting the link to that article because I don't want to attack this lady.  I truly believer her intention was to encourage you to remember your Savior's love for you and to grow in your love for Him.  Her presentation wasn't the greatest.  So here's my advice (which is probably flawed in presentation too): Marrieds, Singles, Cling to your Savior.  Yes, grow in your love for Him. But don't be so awed by how much your love is growing that you fail to miss the greatness of His love for you.  Because where you fall short and will fall short, where your husband falls short, where life falls short, His love does not.  If you wish you had a spouse, run to the cross with that.  If your marriage is rocky, also run to Jesus!!  It's okay to want those things to change. Additionally, set out (as the author said) to LOVE your Savior, to grow in love and relationship with Him daily, but cling to the incredible reality that His blessings and grace are not based on your perfection and when you do fail to love Him as you should (and you will fail, daily), His love for you never changes.

**Our Story** (and proposal!)

WARNING: LONG POST

I promised it awhile ago, didn't I? The engagement story! And life got hectic with work, Chris's death, Christmas, New Years, wedding planning, etc.  So hear you go....  A not so perfect love story. (but a perfectly wonderful love story)  Our story is greatly romantic and oh so ordinary, all at once.

Our First Date....

I met Dave late December/early January of last year-- our first date was January 11th at mugshots and was one of those first dates you don't want to end, although it was just dinner and burgers and great conversation.  Something you should know about me: I am not the type of girl who constantly thinks I met "the one".  My friend Alexandria calls me the best casual dater she knows.  I was always hoping to meet my husband but didn't quickly jump to the assumption that I had met him. When I was younger, a date was a chance at something  and I was always hopeful for more, but the older I got, a date was just a date which meant *hopefully* a good time and a free meal.  I didn't ever come home assuming that we would seriously date or get married.  And I didn't think Dave was "the one" on the fist date, although I spotted the potential that he was. (and he felt the same way)

 But, when my mom asked how the date went I said: "Good, we're going to end up in a relationship."  I later asked my mom if she believed me that night when I said that and she said that she did, that a comment like that was very unlike me. But I know that I wanted to see him again... and again ....and again.

And it wasn't long before we were official, although we jokingly say that we were official from date one.  I even broke my rule that you should not cancel dates with other guys until you are someone's girlfriend...but after meeting Dave, I didn't want to see anyone else.

Small side note: Dave was 30 minutes late for our first date. I am pretty sure everyone in that restaurant thought, "Oh sweetheart he's not coming" In fact, these college guys kept snickering at me in their booth because every time the door opened, I looked up thinking it was Dave! But, he did show up (we were coming from two different directions and he didn't exactly know how long it would take, obviously) and he charmed me, despite his tardiness!

When I knew I would marry him....

I can still pinpoint the moment that I knew I would marry him.  It was February and we were sitting in his truck at a gas station in meadeville, ms riding out a huge storm.  We met halfway between Brookhaven (where I work) and Church Hill (where he lived) in a town that literally had one restaurant and a gas station.  (after that, we realized it was best for one person to drive the full hour to the other ha!)  We had our first fight (over a subject we had bickered over a little bit a few days earlier) and he was being stubborn and we kind of dropped the subject.  Five minutes later, out of nowhere, he hugged me and said, "I'm sorry. I was wrong.  I am bad at saying I'm sorry, but I want to learn to be better at it for you."  At that moment, I realized that he was changing (hopefully for the better !!) for me and I knew I was changing for the better for him.  If we could bring out the good in eachother (most of the time) and if we helped each other improve our weaknesses, the we would be good together.  By the way, a week or two later, he brought up that he thought he would marry me, although he still can't pinpoint the moment he knew. And from then on, we went through our relationship with the end goal of marriage. 

Not so perfect...but perfect

I think that knowing you've met the right guy 7 weeks in is great....it certainly made our dating intentional.  But, it is hard when you can't get married for awhile.  At first we talked about marriage like it would be a lot sooner, but then some known hindrances came our way (school, jobs, etc) and some unknown hindrances (tough times for my family) and things slowed down.  I won't lie, waiting to be married when I already knew was hard, and even now, I often wish we could skip over the wedding and be married.  I think that the waiting was particularly hard for me because I am out of school so I had always figured when I finally met the right guy, I would know quickly (check) as would he (check) and we would be planning marriage early on (check) and end up married within a year (ummm.....) But the same timeline does not apply when you are in school like Dave is.  We started out approaching marriage like it was a lot quicker (but Dave was out of school working for the semester) However, as school got closer and closer, we realized it would be longer. 

As I said about our love story, it's far from "perfect"  We fell quickly but could not have a whirlwind romance.  We had plenty of struggles and hardships to work through, some of them involving our family, some involving school or work and some were just normal couple struggles.  I also see how God used the past year to teach us how to love eachother better, trust God in our circumstances and prepare for a lifetime together.   We both have been hurt and we both have fears and I am glad we used our time of dating/engagement to address these fears. 

our story isn't perfect (whose is?), but its good and happy.  I think what made me certain Dave was the guy I wanted to spend my life with was that although things weren't perfect, they still just worked.  We weren't trying to make it work.  We also weren't brushing over conflict.  Things weren't perfect, but as a whole, we just really clicked together

The proposal...

Was I surprised??? Um,yes but not really.  Dave told me in August or September that we would be engaged by 2013 and well, it was the last 2 weeks of 2012 so I was expecting it every single time we hung out....as evidenced by how stylish and put together I looked almost every evening for 3 weeks.  However, I really assumed it would be Christmas Eve with my family.  Dave tried to throw me off a bit by a couple fun evenings including a night where he texted me to cancel my plans, put a pretty dress on and be ready at 7.  He took me to the theater....but I did briefly think, maybe this is it!  However, the next week, he made plans to take me to Walker's, my favorite restaurant which he had never gone to before.  We were waiting to go until the holidays or a special occasion because its pricy.

I suspected, but then again I also really thought it would be over Christmas.  We had a lovely meal and looking back, I can see how nervous he seemed.  We talked a bit about marriage and the future and I gave him a gift (I was doing the 12 days of Christmas and it was day 7).  He didn't let me order dessert because he was "full" but really we were late to an "engagement party" with family and friends.  On the way back to the car (we parked way far away!), we stopped in front of Duling Hall where there are lights and he said "I have a christmas gift for you too" and got down on his knees and asked me to marry him.  I said yes and kissed his forehead then we put the ring on.  We didn't spend long hugging, kissing and celebrating before he rushed me along.  I said "wait I want to look at my ring!"He said "we will look in the car"  At that point, I realized that we were going somewhere else, most likely to see my family, because he was hurrying us along so much.  We drove around the corner and he said, "Let's get some holiday coffee" (really, we just got engaged, we haven't called our parents and you want holiday coffee??? suuurrree....) We walked into a local coffee/beer place with my friends and family in the back room ready to celebrate with drinks and petit fores.

We hurried because bless his heart, even with reservations, it took them a long time to seat us.  Our engagement party group had been waiting 30+ minutes.  Also some of my friends were cold in the bushes to take pics of the proposal but they didn't really turn out due to the lack of light.  Poor Sarah (who helped plan my engagement) had to go to the hospital for an asthma attack in memphis and couldn't make it last minute) As I said, life is rarely perfect, even when planned out!! But we had a wonderful time.  So many people have loved me for years, good and bad, and I am glad I got to see a lot of them afterwards.  I always wanted a private proposal with famiy celebration afterwards. And my sweet Dave gave me that.  He also gave me the loveliest ring.  Marley said it was adorable how he had researched and knew exactly what I wanted and what he should get.  One of my favorite qualities about Dave is that he listens.  He wanted me to have what I want.

When I saw my sisters and family, I teared up.  It was the first time in all the hurry that I had a chance to get emotional.  But mainly I was just estatic, so glad to announce to the world what I already knew: I had met the one for whom my soul loves! (song of sol. 3:4)

Dave and I then went home and contacted a few friends and family and my sweet roomie (who had to miss the party) had a bottle of champagne and we all drank some.  Then Dave and I had private time celebrating and talking about the future, probably my favorite time of the evening, because I finally had time to stop and realize my blessings!

My thoughts...

I know, I know, you're thinking, aren't the rest your thoughts too? Well yes, but hold on, you will be getting a lot of my thoughts on singleness/marriage/God's faithfulness these days. In fact I want to do a whole post on it.

Dave and I don't have the perfect love story in that whole "Christian fairytale" sense.  He wasn't my first love, my first kiss, etc.  Bless his heart, he isn't always the most romantic.  And bless his heart even more, I certainly am not always the sweetest girl who doesn't nag or bicker.  But he is good to me. So good to me.  And I have dated the boys who say the right things but then don't stand by you (and your family) through good and bad. And I would rather have the one who sticks by you.  Sure I wasn't his first love, sure he has a little baggage and goodness knows I do, but I am his last love and his favorite love and he is mine, and if my past heartaches made me the girl he loves then I am grateful for the pain.

Also, I am just in awe of God's faithfulness.  I see why the moms who struggled to get pregnant seem so much more enamored with motherhood.  All moms love their kids (well, most atleast) but these seem to have a true appreciation that only longing, prayer, tears and trusting in God's faithfulness can provide. I feel the same about Dave. I am seriously so stinking excited to be Dave's wife.  And as opposed to my previous engagement where I was in love and happy, I am now in love and happy and GRATEFUL.  Seriously, I don't think I have ever been so grateful in my life. I probably praise God every day for bringing me through hard times and providing far more than I deserve.  Pain does make Joy even more sweeter and makes you even more grateful because you realize what blessings you have. 

I wish I had gotten married younger. I wish I met Dave earlier.  But I do love approaching marriage from this viewpoint: God has been with me, good and bad. God will be with US in our MARRIAGE both good and bad.  Pain will come our way again, but I have seen God's faithfulness in sustaining and providing.  I will hopefully look back at my 20s and know that God is trustworthy and present. 

What I am reading Wednesday 10-10-2012

Here are some lovely articles you should all check out:

1. I love this article about the best relationships not always having the best storyline...you didn't meet on new years when your eyes caught his at a party? thats okay.  I will do a whole post on this article one day because I can so relate.  My first love was a very sweet story -- we were eachother's first kiss, first i love you, and we were getting married so we would have been the "only" in all these categories...but it ended horribly.  In fact, most of my really 'sweet beginnings' have not gone well.  Dave and I don't have a precious story (though there are precious moments and details) but we are currently going strong.  SO, I really related to this article.

The author stated: "Because it’s boring to say that things don’t work out like they do in the movies. Everyone knows that. Even 21-year-olds. But it’s hard to resist a great story. If we had lasted, we would have had one hell of a story."

But then again, love is about more than a great story right??
2. This article is about pain after sorrow (specifically miscairrage) I don't know this specific pain, although I've known pain.  I thought I'd pass it along.
3. This whole series on Sanctification is amazing so far and I can't wait to read the next installment.  Here is Sanctification through Singleness  and Sanctification through broken bodies. 

4. This article is on avoiding desperation in dating...because being too desperate never leads anywhere good.  Although i'd argue that a little neediness is good -- recognizing you need companionship and need grace when dating motivates you to give people chances.  Ironically, I find that most people I know aren't desperate (thankfully), but they are too picky.  I know many girls who want to date and talk about how others pass on men, but then they pass on men too.  No need to be desperate and settle but also no need to expect a prince.  However, if your value rests on a boy/girl's approval,  if you are dating someone you feel you need to change for or feel is leading you away from Jesus, read this article.  There has to be a middle ground between desperation and rediculous standards.  I know we are ALL trying to find it.

Love at First (Second, Third, etc...) Sight

This blog post, Love and Fifth Sight  made me think about falling in love.  Can you really fall in love at first sight? And more importantly, do you have to "click" immediately? Is chemistry expected from day one?

How long does it take to click with another person?  Does it happen immediately or does it sometimes take a few dates before you have that chemistry?

I'm a big believer in the fact that chemistry and a strong connection doesn't have to happen on date one for it to be a great relationship. Thats why I have always been willing to invest a few dates.  Some people are awkward on first dates. There's nervousness. Someone could be tired or have had a bad day or sensitive because of stress or other problems. Someone may be a little closed (without knowing it) because of their last relationship ending poorly or commitment fears, etc.... You may have tons and common but not feel that click immediately.  So, I willingly invest a few dates, no harm in trying.  And, I often encourage my friends to do the same.

I'm also a big believer that chemistry isn't everything, that people spend so much time chasing this idea of "butterflies" that they overlook people that have common interests, compatability, commitment, mutual respect, etc.  Love isn't always butterflies.

However, despite being a big supporter of that idea -- the whole clicking on date 3, 4, or 5 has never happened to me.  Of the few guys I have "clicked" with, that chemistry happened immediately.  In fact, I have practiced my theory before with guys before, giving "us" a shot for a few more dates, hoping we clicked- and in the end, there ended up being no chemistry, even a few dates in, although a heck of a lot of respect and friendliness. However, I know people who didn't hit it off with their hubbies or bf's at first but said yes to a second date because they knew the guy's character and ended up falling in love.  So, this theory must work for some people, just never me.

What do y'all think? How essential is chemistry - longterm and in the very beginning? Any success stories of falling in love with guys you didn't click with on date #1? I'd love to hear them!


PS- sorry for the boring "analytical" post (although I really am curious about your answers), but I have a special treat for y'all!!! I have a couple blog posts I am working on about missions and a favorite family of mine who are going on the missions field.  GET EXCITED!!

Her Dear Bridegroom's Face, Take 2

Ironically enough, right after I published this post yesterday on Weddings, God's Provision, and the Gospel, I clicked on another blog to read this post. I encourage you to check this article out as well. Here's a bit of what the author had to say:

"As I walked toward my future husband, everything faded besides what was ahead of us. The past didn't matter, old qualms disappeared. The only thing that existed between our locked eyes was love, forgiveness, peace and this exuberant excitement for the future like I have never experienced. Although this moment was beautiful, it passed. We have been married a month, and some days there is more between our locked eyes — frustration, anger and that look of "you seriously thought those dishes go there?" We are human, incapable of perfection. We will strive every single day, but those moments will always come and go.

Yet Christ, who is perfect, will always welcome us into His arms, resentment-, anger- and frustration-free. That walk toward Steve on our wedding day will now always carry a reminder of 1) God's sweet grace that allowed that moment and 2) God's love that begs me to walk toward Him in that way each and every day, abandoning the past and running toward a future with Him.

Think you have slipped too far out of Christ's reach? Think again. The Redeemer of the universe is begging you to enter into a marriage with Him. He welcomes you with fervor, that of a groom welcoming his bride. Although we are completely undeserving, He desires us, pursues us and has great plans for our life with Him. Just ask Him.

Not married but want to be? Envision that moment. Squint your eyes, try to see him/her, and spend some time in prayer for that person you cannot yet see. Pray for him/her. Pray he/she is making wise choices and pray that God can keep your hearts, minds and bodies pure until you meet.

Not married and feel like you have made mistakes too great to enter into a blessed union? You have never traveled too far out of the reach of God's grace. You can never back away into a corner dark enough where God's light cannot shine. He is there; He is waiting and desiring your return. Pray for redemption, purity and peace. God restores. Also pray for your future spouse that he/she may know God's grace. No relationship begins in perfection, but God can redeem, purify and make beautiful out of what we have ruined."


I'm such a goober, but as I said yesterday. I love when weddings point us to Christ.  Ceremonies and Sacraments and all things formal and official are supposed to serve as a reminder of the great story of the gospel.

Her dear Bridegroom's face

I don't know this girl....but I know her story. I know her aunt (who posts her niece's blog updates on facebook so I started to follow Ashley's blog).  This girl is about my age - facing the same struggles we all do - singleness, dating, work, figuring out adulthood, only she did it with MS, in a wheelchair for a large portion of her 20s.  I follow her blog because she is real and honest about her struggles and doesn't sugarcoat them...but at the same time, her eyes seem to be on Christ.  Like everyone else, I have struggles sometimes but seeing someone who is going through more choose to focus on Christ is always an encouragement for me to put my eyes on Christ as well.

Read the article I mentioned above. The author details how the Bride rolling down the aisle in her wheelchair to her eager waiting groom illustrated the gospel message. You will be encouraged and you will be even more excited about a God who can redeem bad circumstances....

"What a captivating picture of Christ’s love. I look at these 2 beautiful young people and all they have been through to get to this day: the diagnoses, the doctors visits, the medications, the tears, the aching parents, family, and friends who want healing, the frustration, the questions, the asking and begging of God as to why…and then this…this beautiful, Christ-centered moment where it all makes a little more sense and becomes a little clearer. God was preparing them for this day, for this moment, for each other so that they can bask in the love and commitment they have for one another for the rest of their lives. Nothing could be more symbolic of us, the Church, the Bride of Christ."


and a God who Loves us eternally as His Bride....despite our brokeness:

"This young couple was such a picture of that to me.  I am the bride in the wheelchair who is beaming and can’t wait to finally be by the side of my groom, Jesus, forever.  And Jesus is that groom, like Justin, who looks and waits expectantly for me to join Him.  When it is all culminated there will be no judgment on my brokenness and sin…Jesus won’t even expect me to get out of my wheelchair…He will just pull up a chair and sit down beside me and welcome me home (just like Justin did to his sweet Ashley at this ceremony)."

I love how the article describes a Savior who loves us and provides both here and eternally (of often we only look at one element of His provision: a God who gives good things or a God who provides us with an eternity with Him, but He does both!)
This article reminds me of one of my favorite verses in a hymn (from "The Sands of Time are Sinking):

The bride eyes not her garment,
But her dear Bridegroom’s face;
I will not gaze at glory
But on my King of grace.
Not at the crown He giveth
But on His pierced hand;
The Lamb is all the glory
Of Emmanuels land.

My absolute favorite part of weddings is the picture of the gospel that is painted for all in attendance.  I love how the above referenced article illustrated that.  I know how it feels to be sitting through yet another wedding, feeling like I can't relate to marriage and love and blessings. I've done it far too many times.  But, every single person sitting at a wedding can benefit from the gospel message illustrated: We have a Bridegroom who adores us in our brokeness and we will be reunited with Him one day!!

So, for those of you who are waiting for the right man/woman, be encouraged, the Lord works in tough circumstances...even when things seem unlikely or to be working against you, He can provide just as He did for this girl.  More importantly, for those who feel too broken with sin to walk down the wedding aisle to your Bridegroom, Know that He loves you even in that brokeness and cannot wait to have you by His side forever.

RIP Nora Ephron

This week, movie screenwriter Nora Ephron passed away. If you are a female, this is a sad day for you. Nora Ephron wrote two of the best chick flicks of our time (When Harry Met Sally and You've Got Mail)....I mean truly entertaining girls movies, not just the cheesy "boy and girl meet, overcome some obstacle and fall in love" movie with no humor, depth, etc.

I love a movie that lets you escape. I love happy movies....but I don't necessarilly love dumb movies.  She managed to give us a few GOOD movies that were entertaining, well written and light hearted.

Some of her best quotes.....

"Look, Annie... I love you. But let's leave that out of this. I don't want to be someone that you're settling for. I don't want to be someone that anyone settles for. Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expectations into it, isn't it?" -- Walter (Sleepless in Seattle)

"You are the butter to my bread, you are the breath to my life." -- Paul Child to Julia (Julie and Julia)

“And then the dreams break into a million tiny pieces. The dream dies. Which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality, or you can go off, like a fool, and dream another dream.”  (Heartburn)

“Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic."

(Sleepless in Seattle)

“Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while. (Sleepless in Seattle)

People are always saying that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened. - Kathleen Kelly (You've Got Mail)

When you read a book as a child, it becomes a part of your identity in a way that no other reading in your whole life does. - Kathleen Kelly (You've Got Mail)


The BEST quote....

“I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” — Billy Crystal to Meg Ryan in “When Harry Met Sally”

(Come on, ladies, who wouldn't want your man to notice all the little things about you - the silly things, the inconsequential things, the daily aspects of your life -- and make these things seem special and unique?  And you know you notice those small things in your husband, boyfriend, crush, etc!!)

Behaving in love

Check out this article on behaving in love v. being in love.

I am not married (thus the reason for my single lady blog...) but I found this article encouraging. One of the greatest problems in relationships (and I think one of the biggest fears of my generation in getting into relationships) is that people think you have to feel "in love" all the time.  Sometimes you don't and you have to work at it. Sometimes you act in love when you don't feel that way, and sometimes you act that way and then the feelings follow.

Love is feelings and actions...and sometimes not all together.  (and sometimes all together) But the point is, when you say those vows, you are preparing for those days...for better or worse-- ie, some days you will annoy me or I'll be angry or you will be insensitive or we will go through a hard time and have to work hard at being close...FOR BETTER OR WORSE. behaving in love.

It seems society is lacking this level of commitment in all relationships-- friendships, family, etc  but most importantly in marriage.  Anyways, I don't have any wise words to add, just that I agree with this article and wanted to pass it along!!

Beautiful

Saw this on a friend's facebook and thought I would share....

what i am reading wednesday

Love and Marriage: Luther Style: an interesting article about Luther and his wife, their commitment, then their growing romance

Blessed are those who get more: suffering that is.

CS Lewis on the dangers of love

Get out of your comfort zone.

A letter to singles on valentines day....

Happy Valentines!

I've never been a big valentines fan, even when in a relationship. If you love me, love me every day, not just when hallmark tells you to, and vice versa: I love those important to me every day too.

But starting last year, I have bought into the commercial cheesiness some.  A wine and chocolate night with the girls?? YES.  candy hearts? why the heck not?  I would never call cards, candy and jacked up expensive roses super romantic (although any other day it is) BUT fun, yes.

Last year I had a party called wine and chocolate...for the single ladies. Everyone brougt wine or chocolate. Some of our married friends wanted to come too -- their husbands were out of town or they celebrated already or they didnt plan on celebrating...so they came and we drank, ate and had a dang good time. This year we are having the same party, but on a much smaller scale.

For your valentines entertainment: a fun article by one of my favorites, Jon Acuff

Scotty Smith

Scotty Smith is a preacher in Nashville. I follow him on facebook and he always posts good quotes.  The past few have really hit home. I thought I would share!


"God is at peace in himself, and in his presence there is peace. The most repeated negative command in Scripture is ‘fear not.’ It appears 365 times — one for each day of the year — and is usually followed by ‘for I am with you.’ God would have us understand that factoring in his presence always changes the equation." - Ramon Presson, "When Will My Life Not Suck? "


“It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates”  - Amy Carmichael


"Self-pity is a death that has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink." - Elizabeth Elliot


“When you love someone, you love the person as they are, and not as you'd like them to be.” - Leo Tolstoy


"Never underestimate the capacity you have to harm someone's heart, and Jesus' capacity to heal a heart, including yours" - Scotty Smith


"You can't test courage cautiously". - Annie Dillard


“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart." - Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment


"God doesn't give us second chances; he give us Jesus. His name is Redeemer, not Re-do." - Scotty Smith


‎"God has a plan to help bring justice to the world -- and his plan is us." - Gary Haugen, founder of International Justice Mission


Just some encouraging words for tonight!

not typical resolutions

In the words of counting crows, "It's been a long december and there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last..."

December began good and didn't end very poorly, but God certainly knew what He was doing by drawing my attention to advent because the last couple weeks of December were stressful and frustrating at times....and I was relieved to see it end......and after reading people's facebook statuses on New Years, I realize that most people felt the same way I did about 2011: Ehhhh.....  not the worst year but certainly nothing special. It was filled with challenges in relationships, church, work, frustrations, etc.

I also noticed two sentiments: unbridled hope that the number of a year or a new years resolution could change one's life so drastically (not that goal setting is bad) or continued pessimism that the next year would be as uneventful or as hurtful as the year before.

I don't want any of these sentiments. I want to hope, but not in my own abilities, in my Lord. And, I don't want to pessimistic....I want to believe the Lord is working in me and that there will be changes in me a year from now....So on top of my "I am going to start running" and "bill more hours at work" type of resolutions, here are some of mine for the new year:

1. I want to go forth each day, each month, each year -- believing that we have a God that can bless, heal, provide and most importantly, work for our good (even when it doesn't feel that way). I want to trust His timing.

2. Although advent has ended, I don't want to leave the manger at Christmas. I want to constantly be aware that God is with us, that as I watch families mourn sick ones or try to encourage a friend struggling with temptation or loss or loneliness, Our God knows that pain...and felt it.

3. I want to live in constant prayer -- for myself and others....prayer that believes; prayer that is immediate and constant; and prayer that is true relationship with my Savior, not just words and formulas and  checklists.

4. I want to live very aware of my sin and God's grace- but also, making an effort to put sin to death on a daily basis.

5. I want to live more aware of how to love others well, even better than myself-- striving to care for hurting friends more and striving to even pray for my enemies (this last one is the hardest for me). This will be hard - loving others well and praying for those who hurt me -- but the Lord loves us well and hopefully through Him, I can care for others.

6. I want to be aware of God's faithfulness and protection- even in the smallest measures....the friend who happens to call on a day where you were feeling down or the way you barely avoided that wreck on the interstate. We look for His provision in so many ways and feel dissapointed but sometimes He provides for us daily in small ways and we often don't notice those.

Day 3-Your first love

I don't really want to tackle this topic, but I'm forging through. My first love broke my heart, but truth is, most people's first loves break their hearts or vice versa right? Because most of us don't marry the first man or woman we cared for...

So, I don't want to claim to have the upper hand on pain and losing a love. But, I will claim my loss was different than most people's... most people dont lose their first love and their fiance all at once. They don't mourn a broken heart and a broken engagement. But, I did. And God had plans for that in my life, plans to use it to grow me, to strengthen me, and to prepare me for His purposes... I am not glad I went through this, but I am glad I have a Father who got me through it and who redeemed (redeems) it.

So, how do I talk about my first love? How about I just mention the good? Because there were definitely some good qualities I loved and would look for again: intelligent, educated, similar interests, christian, moderate, loves the south, goal oriented.


Also, there were all the fun things about the first love and what was even more fun for us is that we were eachother's first love...so first kisses, first "i love you's", first important discussions were all new to both of us. That part was very fun!


However, the most important part...


What I learned from my First Love is that I already had a First Love that would never leave me.


Do I live my life this way? Not Always, in fact, most of the time, No. But the truth remains, I was loved long before my ex-fiance loved me and I was loved in the moments it ended and even now. I was loved through months of screaming and crying and doubting. I'm loved every day, the days I am dating someone, the days I am not. And if I never fall in love again, I will still have been loved far more than anyone else could love me and infinitely more than I deserve.


Sometimes I would put my earthly "first love" ahead of the Lord, sometimes I will put the next love above the Lord, sometimes I put my friends first and I know there will be sometimes I put my children first. But even when I fail to love the Lord as I should, he does not fail to love me the way I shouldn't be loved. As painful as my engagement ending was, I realize that I have abandoned my Lord time and time again. I have done what my ex did to me, and I do it continuously.

And although I would never repeat my first love or the hard lessons it taught me, I know that in some ways, being pointed back to my REAL FIRST LOVE is the biggest blessing a relationship could have given me.



Hosea 2:19


And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy.