Mommy Wars: the Biblical answer

I've previously written about the Mommy Wars.  But this lady says it amazingly, so check her post out.

I have a couple things to add to that post.  To those of us who don't have babies, these constant debates seem silly.  Not because you have a certain parenting style, BUT because you get so caught up in finding the right way and proving that its the right way that you overlook what great moms you already are.....the fact that you simply think things through like breastfeeding or formula, natural childbirth or hospital birth, etc shows you care about your children.

Also, you are also obsessing over the small things. LOTS of people want babies. Many women have lost babies...those women would love to have a child - in a bathtub, in a hospital, with cloth diapers, with disposable, homeschooled, public school, etc.  They just want kids and want to raise and love them the best they can.

So certainly don't quit believing what you believe and raising your kids the way you feel is best, just realize that if your neighbor works part time or uses formula or cosleeps, they love their kids too...

because the plans, programs, schedules, ideologies that you are raising your kids on may be good, may even be best, but they certainly aren't biblical.  It is quite possible that someone can also do motherhood biblically in another different way.

So, breathe a sigh of relief, you don't have to find the best program and follow it perfect!!

In the author's words....

"Parenting programs took over churches. Cultural cliques were formed overnight. Parenthood, and motherhood by extension, became a matter of "doing it right." Schedules and disciplines and programs ruled the day and your success was judged by the behavior of your children. Those who succeeded at the program gloated in their success and gave out exhausting and exalted advice, all with an air of superiority and self-righteousness. Those who just couldn't get with the program were left feeling like desperate failures as parents.

Somewhere along the way we began to believe a lie. And it is a LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL. The lie that there is one right way to be a mother. The lie that we must make every RIGHT decision or the consequences will be catastrophic. The lie that we can control our children's lives. The lie that being a failure as a mother is a fate worse than death.

Run, I say, RUN to pick up your Bible. Turn to Micah 6:8 and read aloud what it says. "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does The Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

No mention of childbirth techniques or clever birth announcements. No mention of diapers, cloth or not. No mention of schedules. No mention of highchair manners. No mention of education. No mention of medical advances or food sources. No mention of anything specific at all.

God does not require of you to be a perfect mother. The minute you begin to gloat over your successes or wallow in your failures you are using the wrong measuring stick.

So if you want to put your baby in all organic diapers and grow and make your own baby food, go right ahead. If you just gave your toddler a can of cold Spaghetti-os for lunch, no problem, you are in good company (even if no one else admits it). If you can homeschool with delight and your kids thrive in the environment, good for you. If you feel that a professional teacher may be a better choice for your child, you may be right. If you are concerned about vaccines and decide to withhold them, fine. If you are concerned about communicable diseases and feel that having immunizations are in the best interest of your children, go for it.

We are limited and finite and can only do so much. God created us with different strengths and weaknesses, gives us different resources, places us in different circumstances. This one-size-fits-all-robot-Stepford-mom stuff is robbing us of our joy and pulling us away from what we were created to do: To do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with our God."

What I am reading Wednesday

1. I love this article on "The pain of Childbearing" (mothering). Favorite line: "I cannot raise my children to be safe, but I can raise them to be strong."  I think thats true of my siblings and me...we were raised to be strong in a world that isn't safe.  I suppose the best you can do for your kids is to first teach them the gospel daily and second, teach them how to live in this world -- strength, kindness, endurance, etc.

2. I love Mississippi.  One of the poorest states but one of the most generous.  When people hate on my state, I get so angry. You don't even know how great this place is, how people come together for good causes, how you get invited to peoples homes and how you are taken care of.  Mississippi is a special place, but go ahead and hate on it: we will keep it "our litte secret" and keep awful haters out.


3. This article talks about trials and their purpose.

And it is why Peter is able to say, with a straight face, that you should “rejoice” in trial (1 Peter 1:6).This doesn’t mean it’s fun to be in a trial. It only means that the cognizance of what the trial really is in the spiritual realm (an opportunity for faith to prove itself) is the “joy set before you” (see Hebrews 12:2) that will make the trial bearable and will motivate you to keep clinging to God and keep obeying. Jesus had to live life the same way, and He set us an example. So whenever you feel that grumbling in the tummy, or you are caught in another trial, tell yourself, like Linda did: “Good. This means something good is happening.” It is having “the mind of Christ.”


4. We all have walked through a desert before.  A desert can be used for God's purposes.

an outsider's view on.... MOTHERING

I'm not a mother, so I am not an expert on how it should be done.  Don't take this post as a reliable authority you could site in a paper....but do take it has a honest opinion from someone on the outside looking in.

my opinion is: WOMEN HAVE GOT TO QUIT JUDGING THE QUALITY OF YOUR PARENTING BASED ON SILLY FACTORS.

I recently saw a picture on facebook of a friend's 3rd baby....the husband said something like this as the tag of the picture: "E had a successful v-back after 2 csections (although her righteousness and self worth are not based on how she delivers babies)"

I LOVED his post. I know it was partly joking but it was so true.  There is so much talk about c-sections being wrong and natural births being better or drugs during birth being a bad thing.  There is also criticism from the other side-- that natural births or home births are risky.  And, you know what? there may be some validity to some of these points...but at the end of the day, you are not a better mother because you had a drug free natural home birth or because you had a c-section in the nicest hospital in town.  I just think its funny how this becomes the end all be all of measuring your parenting decision making skills and abilities.

And that's when it begins...after that there are multiple decisions that mothers (and fathers I suppose) can make.... Do we breastfeed? How long? Cloth diapers of disposable? mom stays home and money is really tight? both parents work? (some families, this is NOT an option). Do we allow tv? public or private or home school? organic food? homemade baby food or store bought? babywise or attachment parenting? no sugar ever or sugar every now and then? etc, etc, etc.

The truth is....and again, this is from the outside looking in, not one of these decisions will likely destroy your child. And not one merits you as a good mother.

Do you love your child? Do you do whats best for them most of the time (we all fail some!)? Do you teach them about the Lord and His love for them? Do you give them opportunities to learn? Do you discipline them?

I know that some decisions are detrimental...12 hours of tv a day or nothing but sugar -- but just because you had a c section or nursed for 6 months not 12 or let your child eat candy at the movies does not make you a bad mother....and if your friends do things you disagree with like homeschool or allow tv before homework or chooses timeouts over spanking?

I just think that there are enough attacks on parents nowadays...enough challenges in raising godly kids, lets not attack eachother.

We all have the right to disagree and respect eachother. My sister uses cloth diapers. I probably won't use them with my kids...but at the end of the day, that decision won't make or break our kids.  Lets spend more time getting upset about the real problem parents-- those who or neglectful or abusive -- or spend time worrying about the single african mother trying to provide food for her babies.  Those are the real issues, whether you had a natural birth while singing at the top of your lungs or plan to homeschool and teach your 5 year old calculus, I may disagree but I don't think its the end of the world.

That facebook status was right: a woman's righteousness and self worth is not based on how she births her babies...or in the small decisions like which type of diaper to wear.  (Thankfully, her righteousness is not based in her mothering abilities at all, but thats an entirely different blog post... ) So, quit beating eachother up for small decisions and help encourage eachother in the big ones-- how to teach your child about Christ, how to encourage morality and obediance and a compassionate heart, how to appreciate your child for his or her little unique personalities.

What I'm reading Wednesday

I've been a horrible blogger, I am sorry. Life has just been busy...good busy, but busy just the same. I have taken some time to read good articles though and wanted to share them with you.... enjoy :)


I needed to read this article. I always thing why didn't God stop bad things, but truth is He is stopping bad things and when I get hurt or others get hurt, I should think about all that He did PREVENT from happening.

I'm not a mom....yet, but when I am, this is how I want to raise my babies.

I always love what Jon Acuff has to say on serious Wednesday at Stuff Christians Like website.

Redefining Hope -- hope in, not hope for.

God works in different ways to bring people together...sometimes we forget that.

Should I stay or should I go? This article had to do with a dating relationship, but it made me think about all decisions in life-- how sometimes there is not a right or wrong answer, just the freedom to choose and make that choice best. (Wouldn't it be easier if every decision was right or wrong?)

National Signing Day.  Here's hoping for a good class. War Eagle.

Thursday Notes

First, best news of all: next week I get to see Jack and my sister and brother in law. My friend Paige and I are flying to Vermont monday to spend the holiday up there.  I can't wait to hang out with my favorite baby boy. (I hate when mothers are obnoxious about their own kids, but I worry how I will be, because lets be honest, I'm pretty obnoxious about Jack Attack, and he's not even my son.  So who knows how much I am going to make everyone listen to me drone on and on about my babies? Ha, hopefully, I'll keep myself in check.) I'm pretty in love with the little boogar though and am super excited to give him his first ornament and celebrate his first major holiday with him.

Here's a pic of me meeting Jack for the first time...



Other tidbits:

 Marley and I have decided to do a Thanksgiving brunch since we have dinner plans with some families from her church plant. Any suggestion on holiday brunch food? We would love ideas. So far our ideas include Mimosas and pumpkin waffles/pancakes....

Also, I was sharing some quotes with a friend today and thought I would share with y'all. I am not very eloquent and I can be wordy (d*mn ADD) so I love quotes because they say something so profound in so few words. Here you go....

"Don't complain as if you've been singled out for particular suffering.What you're experiencing is uncomfortable, transforming grace."  - Paul Tripp

"By His wisdom, he orders his delays so that they prove to be far better than our hurries."  - Spurgeon

"If it was God's will to bruise His own Son, why should it not be His will to bruise you?"  - Oswald Chambers

Finally, read this article on motherhood.  I thought it was great. I get so tired of moms fighting over breastfeeding, natural birth, teaching methods, parenting methods, diapers, etc! Its great to have an opinion on these things, but the true mark of a good mom is if she loves Jesus well and in turn, teaches her child to love Jesus well. I know its easy to say I won't fight about these things now, because I don't have a child yet so I don't feel things so strongly yet, BUT I hope that watching mothers - those that do obsess over silly details and those that don't- teaches me to remember whats most important. Then, whatever personal decisions I make will be secondary.

A prayer today for mothers.....

Today, i said many prayers for mothers....

I said a special prayer for my own mother who has put up with me - who was an incredibly outgoing busy opinionated sometimes difficult child. I said a prayer thanking God for giving me this mother and none other, knowing that we would have a special bond, and that she would have the strength to put up with 4 crazy kids! I said a prayer for my mother that she would continue to do a good job being a mother and a grandmother and that God would encourage her in this role.

I said a prayer of gratitude for the many other women who have influenced my life--who encouraged me and loved me - for my grandmothers, for my aunts, for my friends' mothers, sunday school teachers, mentors, etc. whom have all pointed me to Christ in some way.....what a blessing to have them in my life as well.

I said a prayer for many of my friends who are new moms--- with infants and toddlers. I prayed that they would be encouraged in these young years when there are sleepless nights and temper tantrums and learning the word "NO" and screaming the word "NO". I prayed for patience and rest and renewed strength. I also prayed for the many good moments too-- the cuddling, and falling asleep in your arms and bedtime prayers and first steps -- I prayed the good fun times outweigh the stressful times. I prayed these women have a support system as they parent young children to love the Lord and grow into great men and women!

I said a prayer for all of those who have lost their moms, whom miss them dearly and can't cook them a meal today, or buy them a card or say I love you. I prayed there would be comfort and joy in their hearts as they remember the good times and that the Lord would help ease their pain.

I said a prayer for the kids waiting for moms to adopt them, that their wait would not be long and that they would soon go home to a loving home with a mother who kisses their booboos and helps them with homework and bakes them cookies.

I prayed for my sisters, neither having children yet, that the Lord would continue to shape them to be women who would love sacrificially as mothers, the way our mother loved us. I prayed my brother would find a wife who would be a good mother as well.

I prayed for the many women, myself included, who are waiting to become mothers in the future, some who are just not to that stage yet (me) and some who have patiently waited and tried for children for years. I prayed God would work miracles and bring families and continue to prepare these women to be mothers. I prayed he would assure them of his goodness and soverignty as they wait. I prayed he would give them hope.

I prayed for mothers who have lost children and the grief they must feel today. I prayed God would meet them where they were and quietly comfort them in their heartache. I prayed that the Lord would bless them with memories and moments of joy during what must be a very difficult day.

Thank you Lord for creating mothers. How much better our lives are for having them!! Bless them all today and the rest of the year.