Show Us Your Life: life of a 20something

I am connecting up with Kelly's Korner today for her friday linkup, SHOW US YOUR LIFE series.  Today the linkup is for 20somethings without kids.... I wish this had been earlier because I will only be a 20something for 9 more months ....

But, without a doubt, the 20s are great, way better than high school and even better than college (and I liked college, mostly!)  The 20s are full of challenges and growing up and if you are single, you don't have someone to "grow up" with, but at the same time it's kindof empowering to grow up on your own and make a life on your own!

Here's a little about me: I am a lawyer in MS and I love family, college football, friends, my church, travelling, Lilly Pulitzer, Navy, Green, all things preppy, running, pedicures, watermelon, margaritas, parties, holidays and costumes! I love Auburn and Ole Miss and DC is my favorite city. I used to love politics but got tired of it, but my goal is to get back into it again soon. Adoption has always had a special place in my heart and I hope one day to get into adoption work, or atleast child advocacy. 

I have great parents, 2 amazing sisters, a brother, a brother in law and one nephew....isn't he adorable?

I've had this blog for a couple years because I wanted to blog about adulthood without the husband and kids (since many blogs are mommy blogs)  I felt like someone should be honest about the good and bad of life in your 20s, and for the most part, I have tried to do that!  I blog about dating, singleness, struggles as well as fashion, cooking (yes I am attempting to learn!), etc In fact, I hope to keep blogging about some of these same single lady topics even when I am married. 

When I was 27, I met this sweet fellow (Dave) and we've been pretty inseperable ever since....and I am marrying him in 2 months! He's a soon to be architect and we are eager to find out where God is taking us, but I trust He will provide for us wherever we move.  I'm torn: part of me would love to stay in Jackson, but part of me is eager for an adventure with Dave!

Anyways, as my 20s are winding down, I am sad, but not to0 sad -- the 30s sound great!   By the end of your 20s, you are more confident in who you are and more settled and its nice. 

Here are my suggestions for your 20s:

1. Be adventurous.... this is the time to travel, go to school, volunteer, etc. Single or Married, enjoy these things before kids, because while you can still have adventure afterwards, most mommies will tell you it takes more planning and work!

2. But lay down some roots....I am convinced that what 20s miss the most is a feeling of being settled.  Adventure is only so fun, so make sure you settle down-- settling down may just mean making some friends, picking a church home and establishing community.  It may mean regular trips to see your family, etc.  It may mean a job.  You don't have to buy a house or get married to be settled, but make sure by your mid to late 20s you have some routine in your life!

3. Give yourself grace-- you won't be amazing at your job yet, you wont make tons of money, you won't always know the answer,  you still need advice from family, etc....it's not like Sex and the City or Friends.  You don't have your life together so quickly into adulthood. Accept that and be gracious to yourself.

4.  Give others grace.  They're still figuring out life too.

5. Expand your circles!! The best thing about my 20s are without a doubt, the friends I made.  I just decided to get involved-- join a bible study, say yes to almost every invitation (at first, not as much now that I am settled), host wine nights, etc AND give all types of people a chance.  I feel my group of freinds is pretty varied for a small Jackson town.  I know tons of different types of people and I am blessed by that.

6. Say yes to almost every date. SERIOUSLY. unless he is a bad guy.  If you don't think the guy is "your type", say yes.  If he's not super cute, say yes.  If he doesn't meet whatever checklist you have, say yes.  Why? Because you never know who you will hit it off with.  You might be surprised.  I am certainly not suggesting you settle, but I also think that giving different guys a chance is a good thing.  I am so not a country girl but I fell in love with a country boy....it happens :)

7. Try new things.  I just started playing tennis.  I am pretty bad at it. Seriously.  Everyone on my team is a beginner. But it's fun and its something I always wanted to do.  I ran a half marathon (and trained for a full but couldn't run it due to a conflict--- so I still plan on doing that, see? keep trying new things even when you are - gulp- near 30!)

8. Learn to cook. Seriously. You don't want to eat take out forever. 

9. If you want to meet a nice guy, don't be ashamed to hope for that.  Seriously, people don't shame women for hoping to get pregnant or shame people for hoping to get into med school, but mention that you hope to get married and you'll get a lecture on "lacking contentment" Enjoy your life, be thankful for the blessings you have but keep on hoping to meet a nice guy!

10. ENJOY YOUR ENERGY!! Seriously, you will never have this much energy again.  As your 20s wind down, you will see what I mean.  I used to go to Kareoke until midnight and get up for work at 530.  I'd have a long run scheduled for early Saturday morning yet manage to go out til 2 on Friday.  Now, if I do that, I hate life the next day.  So, work out, travel and get jet lag, stay up late on a monday night...enjoy your youth :)

ENJOY YOUR 20s!! I sure have!

early 20s v. late 20s

Ha, possibly the funniest/most relatable thing I've read in months.

Life in your early 20s v. life in your late 20s (pros and cons!)

Hilarious, if you are in your twenties like me, and can't make it to the late movie or get a tummy ache if you eat too much junk food or need to sit down after one glass of wine at dinner, you can relate.  But late 20s has some perks -- a little more confidence, some maturity, etc.

Every 20something Single Gal should have...the grand finale!

FINALLY, I am finishing up my series on "What Every 20 something Single Gal should have..."

#28 A SCHEDULE AND ROUTINE THAT ALLOWS SOME DOWN TIME.

Singles have a little more freedom - to travel, be spontaneous, stay up late, go to parties. We don't have to schedule couple time or consider our partner's needs or get a babysitter.  And that's good because (a) we need to meet men, we need to be out and about at all the holiday parties, church get togethers and tailgates that we get invited to; and (b) its one of the pluses of singleness that you can and do get to go to, enjoy, and experiance a lot.  Even on the days where I have hated singleness, I must admit that this is a perk. :)

However, always being busy is exhausting.  And there is a pressure to go go go because what if you miss the most fun party of the year or what if you miss the party where your future husband is. GOODNESS! One of the things I look forward to when I date someone is having more of a schedule, and having a schedule that allows me time to stay in and rest!

Do yourself a favor. Plan well, make a schedule.  Go to tons of parties, but KNOW when you need a night in... or when you need to get laundry done. If you have a good schedule, you can plan ahead for a busy weekend full of get togethers and parties because you rested up and did laundry the week before.

ALSO give yourself some routine.  Pick a show you watch every week, read for 30 min for bed, do yoga every morning, etc.  Routines allow you to feel a little more in control of life.

#29 THE ABILITY TO FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT.

Although you know I believe in being honest about the struggles of singleness while in dialogue, I do believe that you should walk through life without letting singleness hold you back. Walk through your single days like you feel very confident, even on the moments you don't.  Don't feel like sitting alone at church when your best friend is out of town? Just dig down deep and do it.  Don't want to go another family holiday event alone? Suck it up and get through the day.  Don't want to have to answer one more question on your singleness? Buck up and do it.  

SINGLENESS requires a confidence and nerve.  You learn to walk into parties, church, events alone.  You learn to field questions about your dating life.  You field off rude comments about how you will understand when you're married.  SINGLENESS causes you to crumble or dig down deep, have a little confidence and learn to be polite but firm and independent.  Although most moments of your single life may be grand, there will be a time when you may walk into that party feeling 100 percent alone, but put on a smile and fake it til you make it. Seem like the independent confident womean that you don't feel like.

#30 A SET OF TOOLS AND OTHER "MANLY" SKILLS

Face it, you don't have a built-in handy man, so you have three options: learn to do some manly things yourself, make some good male friends (and trade the cookies and other baked goods for their help moving or fixing your sink) or make enough money to call an expect.  LIKELY, you will do a combination of all 3.  But start with some tools and the ability to kill a roach without screaming ;)

#31 A GRACIOUS DEMEANOR

Being single is tough sometimes -- as I've mentioned, you've got to fake confidence sometimes, learn manly skills, live in hope but prepare for permenant singleness should that be the case, develop your own traditions, meals, households, etc.  And you WILL screw up sometimes, probably a lot if you are like me, so have a little grace with yourself - and others.  I think a plus of getting married later is that your personality and expectations have a chance to soften. You don't walk into marriage and motherhood expecting them to be easy because you've lived a little more life by the time you've gotten married, and because unfortunately you've seen friends struggle through unhappy marriages and difficult children.  So, you know that life must be taken with a grain of salt and with plenty of grace because people let you down and you fail.

So, above all, have a little grace in your 20s.  You will faill at dating. You will fail at family.  You will fail at work. You will fail with friends.  BUT you will also have some successes and lots of growth.

#27 The ability (and freedom) to say NO

#27 Every 20something single gal needs the ability and freedom to say NO.

You hear this said a lot regarding moms.  You don't have to say yes to every ministry opportunity because your ministry opportunity is at home.  You're so busy you don't need to overcommit.  Your primary focus should be your kids and husband.  Don't overexert yourself so much that you don't have time for your family.

All good advice.  and true: mommies should not overcommit (actually ALL people should not overcommit) But the message to singles is usually quite the opposite.  Singles are portrayed as having so much time.  They can fully invest in youth group and making meals and volunteering. In fact, if singles enjoy their time, they are often presented as being selfish and self focused.

But, the truth is (and I have learned this the hard way) -- YOU need time for you.  So pick a couple of things to say yes to and say no to the rest.  Single women have jobs.  Single women have to be social -- this is not an option if you want to possibly meet someone.  Single women have relationships they pour into like friends, families, boyfriends, etc.  So, sometimes, single women have more time, but sometimes they don't.

The truth is all people should minister to others -- just no person or group can do it all!!!  So, don't be made to feel like you're single so you have all the time in the world. Pick a couple things and do it well. And say NO and don't feel guilty about saying NO.  You need time to start a family too which means you need time to meet people and be social and date.  Even if you stay single, you need time for you and for work and life! So, say no...the first time is hard, but then its more freeing.  And, pour yourself into the activities and volunteer opportunities you say yes to!

Every 20somthing single gal ...#22-24

Bear with me as I finish my October Series....in November (oops!)

Every 20something single gal should have....

22. HOPE for Marriage and Family (if thats your goal) but a solid PLAN B if it doesn't happen.

You are in your 20s or your 30s, no reason to give up hope.  I think a lot of people scare singles into thinking you have no chance of marriage past a certain age. But if so many people are still single, is that really true? The age of marriage keeps going up.  Many men and women are left and God is still on HIS THRONE. Live in hope of marriage and family (if you desire those things, you may not and thats fine too!)  And by live in hope, I mean plan like there is marriage in your future.  Get your finances in order (I am trying to do that now), learn to cook, buy a house, dress up and go to events and try to meet new people.  Feel free to go to the marriage seminar at church or read a book on relationships and marriage.  Never think you have to give up.  Enjoy your single days - don't waste them, but plan for marriage and live as if it will happen.  Its fine to have hope and live in that hope.

BUT HAVE A GOOD PLAN B.

Have you thought about how life will be if you don't take the traditional marriage and babies route? DO IT.  Play the scenerio out in your head.  Some people would tell you not to because you might worry about the future too much.  But, really, play it out...and get upset and "mourn" the possibility of a permenantly single adulthood. Now, imagine the best single adulthood possible.

I did this and it was upsetting, but it was also freeing.  PERMENANTLY SINGLE KATY would be the best damn aunt there is (the kind who takes her nieces and nephews on trips!), would travel the world, would go on missions trips, would enjoy holidays with her family but would feel free to do her own thing (just like married folks are free to miss the occasional family event), would never let herself "go" just because she was single, would still date and enjoy life, would host dinner parties, would likely adopt a baby, would be involved in a church home, would move to a cool city, would continue her education, would learn to cook better meals, would run a marathon, would decorate a home.

That's still not the life I planned, but its a DAMN GOOD PLAN B.  So, go ahead, feel free to make a Plan B - just in case, but make it a good Plan B!!  In fact, my plan B is so good that if and when I get married, there will be some aspects of it I miss (and I am sure Baby Jack will miss the trips I had planned on taking him on haha!)

23. Adult relationships with your parents (and siblings).

This will look differently for everyone.  Maybe you have an overinvolved family and you just have to decide that you will respect them but draw boundaries.   Maybe you have a family who wasn't there so you just have to decide to forgive your parents and love them but not trust your heart to them.  At a certain point, you have to establish your own belief system, your own goals and your own life....but this can be done in a way that respects your parents.

Allowing yourself to be manipulated or manipulate, to bully or be bullied, etc is childish and not helpful.  Your parents don't need to control your marriage and family one day so you need to establish your independence now.

(SIDENOTE: I am blessed to have respectful parents, so this isn't a passive aggressive attack on them, just a realization that at some point, we all have to pull away and grow up.  I recently witnessed what happens when this independence never occurs and its sad)

24.  A pretty pair of panties and bra (even if just you see it!) and a pair of spanx.

You're an adult.  Recognize the importance in the proper undergarments.  Have a few pretty pieces and a gurdle or "sucky-in thingy"   I don't care how thin you are, you will occasionally have a dress that shows bulges and needs clean lines.  And I don't care how conservative you are, but having your granny panties stick up out of your jeans isn't going to attract any men, nor will it make you feel very sexy.  So invest in a few young pretty pieces and atleast one adult slimming piece.

#21 a kick A*** recipe for a dinner dish, appetizer, and dessert

Every 20something single gal (actually, every MARRIED gal too) should have a declicious tried and true recipe she can rely on when cooking dinner, bringing an appetizer to a party (or tailgate) and a delicious dessert recipe.

Truth is, every 20something gal should probably know more than 3 recipes, but lets stick with knowing and mastering 3 classics first.  I don't fault single ladies (or even married ladies with no children) for not knowing too much in the kitchen. We work. We get home late. and cooking for one or two people is hard y'all.  So its easy to start cooking chicken breasts, lean cuisines, and making sandwiches. On a fancy night, spaghetti. Which is FINE AND DANDY most nights....

But, then what do you do when its your turn to host supper club? Or several dates in to a relationship, you want to cook for your MR? Or someone asks you to bring a cake to a baby shower?

Pick a few recipes and figure them out.  They don't have to be fancy, but they shouldn't be slice and bake cookies either.

Tips and Tricks:

1. Invite friends over and make a recipe. No one likes eating the same recipe 4 times in a row, so this will cut down on leftovers.

2. Make a dessert that you want to try or perfect, then take the rest of the cake to work.

3. Do a potluck with friends.  We have done a couple saturday brunches and all tried breakfast recipes.

4. Cut recipes in half.

5. Look for recipes with 5-10 ingredients. Enough to be tasty and not "out of a box" tasting but not too many to be overwhelming and expensive.

6. Realize that its ok if you're not Martha Stewart or Rachel Ray. But a few classic "go to"recipes" is a must at our age. 

7. Pinterest. Seriously, you can learn to cook from Pinterest Recipes!

My top 3 go to recipes??
1. Chili
2. Chocolate Chip Pound Cake
3. Cheese Straws

None are super complicated. None have more than 5-10 ingrediants.  All are well liked. :)

#20 A nice piece of jewelry

Essentially, every 20something girl should have a nice piece of jewelry, whether it is a lovely Yurman bracelet that she wears almost daily or a right hand ring.  Lovely jewelry is not just for those who were engagement and wedding bands and are given jewelry on anniversaries and birthdays and Christmases.

Save and buy your own jewelry.  We aren't talking about 2 Carot diamond pendants, but a nice set of pear earrings or an emerald ring is classic and dresses up both work and play outfits.  You can mix nice jewelry in with knockoffs, but if you have a decent job and places to go, invest in something small that makes you feel like a million bucks. 

I am in no way suggesting that you blow all your money on fancy gems, but just because your left hand doesn't sport a big diamond doesn't mean you don't deserve a little bling.

My suggestion: a set of pearl earrings, a pear neclace, or a yurman bracelet.

I probably only have 2-3 nice pieces of jewelry, but if I never get married, I plan on purchasing a piece every few years.  There is no reason to end up single and fifty, wearing Target jewelry because I waited for a man to buy it from me.

(1) Check out JTV.com (jewelry tv) -- you can actually find good deals here. I'ev ordered a ring from there before.

(2) Mix in a Yurman with fakes until you can afford a few yurmans (this is what I am currently doing!)

(3)  a pearl ring will give you the most bang for your buck. You can find a decent one for under 200 and its class enough to wear to job interviews but glitzy enough to wear to a cocktail party

(4) If you are not a jewelry person, don't invest tons in jewelry, but have the few key pieces you can wear for years -- pearls, a nice ring, diamond stud earrings, etc.

#19: Non-marriage based goals.

EVERY 20-SOMETHING SINGLE GAL SHOULD HAVE NON MARRIAGE RELATED GOALS.

I'm not going to lie.  Two of my biggest goals in life is to be a wife and mother.  However, clearly, I can't control these goals....well maybe I could adopt or have a child on my own.  And I certainly have tried to do what I can in the dating/relationship department.  BUT I learned early on that relational aspects of life don't happen on your timeline sometime.

I see so many single girls (encouraged by married folks and the church) make marriage and babies their only goals.  And I agree with making it a goal and doing all the things necessary to get there -- dating, improving your appearance, widening your social circles.  But, at the end of the day, it will happen when the Lord wants it to happen, even if you do everything right.

And, you know where that leaves you?? feeling like a failure.  You feel rejected for not being "picked" and like a failure for not meeting your "goals".

You have got to have other goals. Want to get a masters? Run a marathon? Go to greece? DO THESE THINGS.

YOU NEED OTHER GOALS BECAUSE YOU NEED SOME CERTAINTY.

I ran my first half marathon simply because I felt like I needed to achieve something. I hated my job.  I was new in town and only had a few friends (which both improved within the year)  I was barely dating (this also improved within the year, although I didn't meet mr right or anything like that!)  I needed a goal and I needed to feel like I actually accomplished something.  I needed control over something....and deciding to run a half marathon was something I could work for and control.  I could achieve that.  I liked having certainty.

So, pick some goals.  Do some of the things that singleness allows you the time to do.  Or, do some of those things you are waiting on marriage for: buying a house, investing, etc.

#18: a HEALTH and BEAUTY routine

#18: Every TwentySomething Single gal should have a health and beauty routine.

You don't have to have everything figured out yet....married or single.  You are in your twenties and your body will change.  Appearance -wise and health-wise.

You shouldn't be eating solely pizza and wings still. Either it will catch up with you weight-wise or it already has.  Or if not, its affecting you, just not your waistline.

In the past 5 years, I got the flu twice, mono so severe I was hospitalized, and a staff infection requiring hopsitalization. Ask me how often I got sick in high school and college....rarely.  I can't remember anything that severe, just stomach bugs and colds and viruses.  Our body is a little older and adjusting to working.  And honestly, the older you get, the more dangerous high fevers can be.

So, get in the habit of getting your flu shot.  Buy lotion for your face.  Start thinking about a facecare system, wrinkle cream, all that good stuff. For heaven's sake, wear sunscreen.

Do you take birth control? Do you plan on taking it when you get married? Maybe its time to start thinking about and figuring that out now (I have a friend who started right before she got married and spent most of her engagement sick before she realized that it was the BC making her sick, so it would be good to learn that now)

Do something that I have been horrible about (curse of being a DR's daughter and relying on him) - find dr's you like and trust.  Get yearly checkups.

Invest in good makeup.  And if you need it, quality hair or skin products.

Establish it now while you are in your prime -- late 20s and early 30s are when many women look their best (age hasn't caught up completely and they don't look like kids anymore!)  Once you have a housefull of munchkins, figuring out what eyecream works best will seem secondary.  Take advantage of singleness and do it now...

And seriously, people, get your flu shot (I am getting mine next wednesday)

#16: Savings and #17 Budget

#16 & 17: Every single 20something should have savings and a budget.

This shouldn't be an area I am talking about because I am not super responsible in this area.  I don't have tons of savings. But I recently buckled down to start a decent budget, pay off any remaining nonschool debt (hello hospital bills and visa) and get some good savings established.  I don't go spend tons of money, but I am not always good about budgeting.  I stop spending if I don't have anything to spend, but thats not wise, I should have more saved up.  I spent over half my twenties in school which didn't give me a leg up on the financial planning and savings track....its hard to budget or save when you have very little...you just learn to live off of that!

The good news is I can get ahead now and go into my 30s with some money put away and a good Budget.  Based on my little knowledge, here are my tips.


1. Don't get overwhelmed. Do things one step at a time.  You don't have to do everything recommended all at once! Do what works for you (IE a theory might be good but it may not work for you) Baby steps and small improvements.

2.  Write it down.  If I make a plan for what I need to pay in bills, groceries, etc, I tend to stick closely to it.

3. CASH.  I am still trying to get in this habbit, but using cash is a good idea for groceries, gas, clothes, etc.  Kindof like the Dave Ramsey method except forget the multiple envelope plan.  Just say I have x amount a week for groceries, eating out, gas, etc.  If I use it all on eating out, I cant buy groceries, etc.

4. Eat in more.  I have been doing this and saving money.  Also, use coupons, I saved 1/4 of my grocery bill a few weeks ago.  I am not an extreme couponer, but printing coupons out on my lunch break is totally worth an extra 25 dollars in savings!

5.  Splurge.  AKA, don't deprive yourself in order to have tons of savings.  Well, deprive yourself some, but what I mean is, don't think you can never have dinner out or a new pair of jeans.  Just like a super strict diet, you will easilly fall off that wagon.

6. Allow for emergencies.  Know that every now and again, you will need new tires or have to go to the doctor. I am awful at planning for that.  Also, you will have months where you have to buy a million birthday, wedding, etc gifts and get your hair cut and oil changed.  Some expenses aren't monthly, plan for those too.

7.  Read books, take a class.  Right now, Dave and I are taking an investing class.  I have no "financial skills" and thats okay, it helps to read and learn about it. Also talk to people who know. 

8. RELAX. Short of bankruptcy or 200,000 in debt, few things in your twenties can't be recovered from. I wish I had started saving more money earlier, but the truth is if I start now, I can still save a good amount.  Same with debt, if you are in debt or if you have school loans, you can pay this off.  Also, if you invested and yoru stocks dropped with the market, you're young and it has time to rebound.  (In investing class, we learned that there is a certain amount of riskyness allowed for younger investers because they have more time) The good news is that you aren't doomed.

9. automatic deposits and online bills -- serious this makes life so much easier.

10. Small savings tricks.  Dave and I have recently used coupons for restaurants (yes im that person).  Or, I want to start a workout jar where I put a dollar in every time I work out.  I won't miss a dollar and that money can be used for little extras like pedis or a new top every now and then.

As I said, I'm no expert, but atleast I've started getting together a financial plan.  Every 20something single gal should know a little about finances.  I suggest starting with Suze Orman's The Money Book for theYoung, Fabulous and Broke.  She lays out basics pretty well and she's a little more realistic than Dave Ramsey.

#13-15: You should have serving pieces, a full sized bed, and a few of the items on your registry

#13: Every Single 20something gal needsa few attractive serving pieces. 

I learned this lesson as wedding/baby shower season started.  I would make lovely dishes then have to transfer them to a married friend's dishes when I arrived.  Why? Because she had registered for lovely pottery and serving pieces and I had not done that yet.  I soon realized I would have to buy a few serving pieces.

To be honest, this is something I am still working on.  But I do think nothing screams "college kid" like showing up to a shower, family holiday, etc with a tasty treat on a paper plate.  Some events call for grownup pieces.  And, although I am not married, I still am a grownup.

I only have a couple nice serving pieces.... I am still working on this area.  I borrow my moms and friends pieces a lot, but if I don't get married in the next couple years, I hope I have splurged and purchased a few platters and bowls. I love to be a hostess and actually, I am pretty good at it (I attribute half of that to my southern roots and half to genetics, my mom is quite the hostess!) So, its imporant to present well. 

Tips:

• Check store when they have sales
• sometimes you can find "Christmas" pieces that aren't really christmas-y on sale after christmas.  I once bought china (not serving pieces but I should have bought the matching platters!) that was Christmas leafs (aka gold leafs so totally acceptable yearround)
• outlets (pottery barn, williams sanoma, china outlets)
• Or, just save up and splurge on a nice platter at a pottery store...truth is, you can make do with just a few pieces so why not invest in quality.
• BUY a fairly neutral color so you can use it at all types of events and parties.  Sure fun red platters is fun for a fiesta or frilly girly stuff is fun for a wedding shower, but get basics now and invest in the fun stuff later.

#14: Every Single 20something should invest in a full size bed....or monnogrammed towels..or a larger TV...or a mixer.

Actually, this is optional... but my point is, don't abstain from buying a grownup bed because you have no one to share it with yet.  Then it becomes a nightly reminder that you don't have a spouse.  You're an adult.  You have an adult sized body. Sure you could sleep in a twin bed forever, but there is no harm in have a full/queen to yourself.

Insert this rule for whatever piece of furniture, etc you refuse to buy yourself until you are married.  IE, will you not invest in a nice tv because that one from college with the vhs attached still works?  You'll buy a tv when you get married and yall buy a place? Quit being silly. Get a nice TV now...or a larger bed...

#15: Every Single 20something should have a few of the items she thought she would get when she gets married.

I want monnogramed towels - not the kind I had in college that said "KATY" but the ones that say my proper monnogram (kBc), but I have waited -- because what if I get married and get some as gifts or what if I have to replace all my towels because they are monnogramed? Silly, I know, you are probably thinking BUY SOME D*MN TOWELS :) and I should!!  I also know friends who are waiting to buy a mixer or nicer pots...but they are waiting, because what will they register for when they get married if   Certainly don't buy these things if you don't need them, but if you cook a lot and it doesn't look like marriage is happening in the next year, go ahead and buy a mixer!! Its silly to think you have to wait!

(NOTE: I think this "I'll wait til I register" excuse is mostly a southern thing"  - but it just reiterates the concept some people believe - life only starts when you get married...(a) not true and (b) if my life doesn't start til then, then I will quit being responsible for wedding and baby showers! Afterall, my life hasn't started so I am at home with my cats watching Friends reruns!!)

#'s 10-12: Celebrations, Traditions, Holiday Decorations/Food

I think sometimes what single gals long for the most regarding marriage and family is for just the everyday celebration of good times (and mourning of bad times - which is why I previously encouraged making a good set of friends!!)

What are some of your happiest memories as a child? What are the memories you want to create for your one day husband and children? Most likely some of these memories fall into the categories of family traditions, holidays, parents celebrating report cards and scored soccer goals and school plays.  (Anyone else in Jackson used to go swensons after recitals for ice cream?? my family did!)

So my suggestion, create traditions and celebrations NOW.  Best case scenerio, your single years (and your friends' single years) are more enjoyable and you build memories and establish some fun traditions for your oneday family. Worst case scenerio: if you don't get married, you don't get married -- BUTthat doesn't mean you can't enjoy halloween or Christmas or celebrate a raise with a nice dinner out.

10. Every single 20something gal needs to celebrate life achievements.

One of my favorite quotes on marriage is from a movie I haven't even seen -- Shall we Dance? (hmm, looking that up on Netflix soon)  I saw the quote years ago and it says:

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."


SO TRUE. We all need that. And as singles, thats often what we miss.  We are always encouraged to be good friends for eachother, be there in the rough times...and thats so true.  I've spent nights in the hospital with friends and brought meals when sick and mourned breakups, etc.  But we also need to celebrate our own accomplishments and those of others.   I'm so blessed to have that with my friends. We celebrate birthdays, promotions, raises, new men, etc.  My friends showed up for my first half marathon to cheer me on.  We also celebrate holidays (which I will talk about later).  

So, celebrate your life -- there is plenty that is good.  I think the emphasis is on marriage and babies so we go to showers and weddings and make meals.  But celebrate your accomplishments too-- with friends or by yourself.  Lost 10 pounds? Buy a new skirt!  Raise? How about a fancy meal out of a bottle of wine with pals.  ALSO, married ladies and mammas, remember how often your single friends celebrate your life and make an effort to celebrate theirs.  :) It will mean the world to them, I promise.  

11. Every single 20something gal needs some traditions.  

What did your family do? Tuesday Taco night? Sunday evening movie? Certain cakes or cocoa recipes at Christmas??  Halloween inspired cookies?  Extend some of those traditions to your life -- and feel free to invite others to join!!  

Or, make your own traditions.  For instance, my friends and I have started the tradition of wine nights every now and then.  We have specific holiday parties every year.   

Personally, in law school, I let myself have a time of reading for fun before bed or watching a fav tv show.  I always decorated pumpkins, even if I did it alone (a tradition my family didn't have!)  I have also started celebrating advent (minus the candles although maybe I will start that this year)  

Dave and I have started traditions too -- early church and lunch on sundays, five dollar movies, etc.

  Start some traditions.  Even if they are just for you.  Single life often feels chaotic...fewer family obligations, but sometimes consistancy is comforting.  Create some in your own life. 

 12. Every 20something single gal should invest in some holiday decorations.  

The tendency is to think: no one will enjoy that wreath but me and my few visitors.  I'll buy a tree when I get married.  It's like we feel the need to put off the things we enjoy until we are married or have babies!  Why not enjoy a tree now? Or buy some pumpkins?   

Holidays are not only for Families.  They are for singles.  They are for friends.  They are for extended families. Without a husband and baby, you can still enjoy dressing up and candy on Halloween, fireworks on the 4th, the Savior's birth at Christmas and thankfulness at Thanksgiving. 

 Decorations encourage us to appreciate the season, to find festive enjoyable moments even when times are tough.  I don't care how hard life is and how lonely you are, a Christmas tree full of lights makes you smile.  It makes you feel like you have hope and something to celebrate.  And it reminds you that you, alone, without anyone else, still can enjoy beautiful decorations....not to mention, decorating often causes us to celebrate the holiday.

 Decorating a tree puts me in the Christmas spirit which then forces me to get over my hard times and celebrate my Savior's births.  Buying pumpkins and mums makes me thankful and start listing my blessings!  

Sure, maybe your one bedroom apartment doesn't need a tree fit for Southern Living magazine.  Maybe you won't have as many decorations as you one day will.  But even a small tree will help you celebrate and enjoy the holiday!

#7, #8, #9: A strong community, a set of beliefs, and a few good/bad date stories!

Clearly I am a few days behind...back to my series of what every single 20something gal should have...

#7 Every 20 something single gal needs a solid group of friends.

Your twenties is your time to find lifelong friends.  These may include your high school and college friends, and it will likely also include new people you meet in this stage of life.  What I love about my twenties is that all of my friends aren't like me.  Growing up, I had a few different friends, but mainly you met people from your same activities.  In college, the same is true - I met people through sorority life and student government and RUF (bible study).  Some diversity, but a lot of my friends were a lot like me.  Maybe its because we all change so much and start having different interests and careers, but it feels like my friends are a lot different than me (and a lot like me all at the same time)

I have friends who are artsy, sciency, single, married, likes to cook, sing, run, etc.  I'm friends with former prom queens and former class nerds.  I'm friends with people from my same hometown and "outsiders"  And, as I said, most of my friends are smart convited attractive fun people, so we really all have a lot in common, BUT at the same time, it seems I have a variety of friends and I love it.  This isn't high school with obsession over popularity and "coolness" -- I encourage you to befriend people who are different than you as well as those who are similar!

Also, in your twenties, when single, your friends serve as family.  They come to the hospital when you are sick, they take you out to dinner for promotions, they encourage you to try new things, they celebrate holidays with you, they sit next to you at church.  They fill in for the family you used to live with and stand in for the husband and children you don't have yet.  So pick friends who support you and you can support as well.  I hope my friends and I remain this way as we get married and have babies (and some have remained this way)  I hope we continue to be  there for eachother like we were during our single years.

#8 Every 20something single should have a good grasp of what she believes.

Seriously, figure it out now. Know what you believe about faith, love, childrearing, etc.  Nothing is set in stone.  You can strongly believe you want 6 kids and that can change.  But, I think whats helped Dave and I in dating is we both knew what we wanted in life.  Thats not saying we will have it all together, but we could see the red flags (Oh, she doesnt want kids and I want ten? move on.  Oh, he's an athiest? move on.  He wants to live greenly and I think thats dumb? Can we work that out or not?)

On top of helping in dating, it also helps solidify your adulthood.  I think some people are age assume you don't have to make big decisions until you're married and having babies.  Not true.  Decisions I make now can affect my future and as an adult, I need to have an idea what I believe.

I know where I stand on religion, politics, marriage and children.  I know a general idea of how I want to raise kids.  I know what my dealbreakers are in dating.  I know how I feel (on a base level) about the environment, city v. country living, where I want to live, where I am willing to move to, financial goals, etc.

Will these change? yes. Whether I get married or stay single, my view will change.  But, atleast they can change because to change, you have to start somewhere.  And with goals and beliefs, you have an idea of who you are and what you think.

#9 Every 20something single girl should have a few funny dating stories.

And, by this, I mean, by your late 20s, you should have some funny stories and some sweet ones. You will probably have a few regrets --dating someone you shouldn't have, passing on someone you shouldn't have.  But, most importantly, you will have learned lessons.

Hopefully, you will have good stories because you took chances  - you gave men chances who weren't "gorgeous", your type, bigtime professionals, perfectly preppy, wealthy, etc (whatever your weakness is).  Maybe you gave online dating a shot or said yes to some blind dates/set ups.  Maybe you gave a guy a second chance.

And hopefully, you will have good stories from these dates -- stories of meeting nice guys in ways you didn't expect, funny date stories with guys that weren't meant to be, happy memories of getting to know nice men that weren't your husband but were still worthwhile people.  Maybe you will learn lessons about what you think you want not being what you need -- or maybe you will learn that certain aspects of the man you marry are exactly what you needed.

I do think that an extra 5-10 years of dating does cause you a little more pain, but also a little more growth because you know heartache, second chances, forgiveness, and surprises better than others.  So I hope that by the time I am 30, I can say I'm glad I met X or Y because they taught me this.  I also know some good girls night stories start out with "The worst date I ever went on was...."

Day #5: A Dress Coat

I covered the BASICS (a nice suit, cocktails dress, dress slacks or skirt, correctly fitting jeans) - now I am addressing the accessories.  And, I am doing these separately (which is probably how I should have addressed the basics...., but too late now!)

FIRST ACCESSORY NEEDED: EVERY SASSY SINGLE 20SOMETHING (or married 20something!) NEEDS A GOOD DRESSY WINTER COAT!
One thing I see girls doing for a few years after college sometimes is wearing a casual coat over nice dresses.  Invest in a nice mid thigh or knee length coat (off-season J Crew, Banana, Ann Taylor) in a solid color, preferably a neutral like tan, black or brown, but if most of your clothes won't clash with a gorgeous red coat, then get one of those!

Northface Coats are great with jeans, etc, but over your sunday dress, over a suit on the way to court, or out to a wedding, you will need a grownup coat.

Here are some examples:

Here's an example of a fun color, Ann Taylor

gotta love a good basic J Crew jacket

gap, black wool coat, trench style

Some tips:

• Be ready to invest. A good coat will set you back a couple hundred dollars (atleast) but you wear them a lot for years and you don't need tons (like how you have sevral pairs of jeans!)  But its better to invest in a coat you will wear 10 years rather than buy a new cheap one every couple of years. PLUS you can find deals.
• Buy the basics I mentioned first before splurging on a coat (unless you find one on sale of course!)
• Check websites and stores at the end of the season: J Crew, Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, Gap, etc.  Also, a lot of times, there will be a sale on sale items, so additional discount.
• if you need one soon, watch the websites for a few weeks. These stores always do 30, 35, 40% off  For example, that blue AT coat is 228 but it is currently 30% off which makes it approximately 160 dollars...a 70 savings, pretty good!
• look around....  JCrew coats are my favorite, but you can find similar ones for cheaper at Ann Taylor, Department Stores, Gap, AT Loft, Banana Republic, etc.  However, J Crew does have really good end of season sales, with additional percentages off.
• Make sure the coat is heavy enough for the climate you live in.  MY winter coat does not have to be as heavy as someone who lives in New York's winter coat.  Style is important but so is warmth!!

I also think most women need a lightweight trench coat for "blistery" days (thanks winnie the pooh for teaching me that word) -- BUT a winter coat is a primary need. Start there.

Day #4: a couple NICE pieces of furniture

Your home does not have to look like the cover of Southern Living magazine (or whatever the Yankee version of that is to any northern readers)  BUT a dirty old futon and a particle board coffee table from target is not cutting it anymore.

You can get decent furniture without breaking the bank - and sometimes be redoing/reusing great furniture you find or are given. Even if you have to mix in stylish furniture with a couple not so great pieces, you can make your house more like a home.  I have found that a couple GREAT pieces makes the room look more complete. The first few years out of college, its okay if your house is not presentable but pretty soon, that timeline wears off....so time to start furniture shopping!

Invest in a nice couch, dining room table,cabinet, etc. This can be used, it can even be hand-me-down (fixed up though!) - but it doesn't need to look like your house is all leftover rejects from grandma's house.

1. Check out "cheaper" stores like Ikea....true some stuff is cheaper, but some is pretty nice.
2. Local furniture stores have sales all the time!
3. Check out antique malls and craigs list -- I LOVE midcentury furniture and am slowly collecting some pieces. I found two pieces on craigs list.  I am pretty sure one piece that I bought for 250 could have gone for a lot more in a store, so it was a steal!
4. Revamp your handmedowns.  Have an old chair from your mothers with a loevly 1980s print? Get new fabric and you could soon be rocking a very nice piece of furniture.
5. Get a gift for your birthday.  My mom bought me the best midcentury chair for my birthday a couple years ago and we picked out fabric to recover it.  I have found that parents are eager to give you adult gifts.
6. One piece at a time.  You are ONLY in your 20s so you probably have roomates and can share some of the decorating burden with them, BUT you dont want to move into your frist home one day with nothing. SLOWLY buy pieces.  There is no rush so you can wait to find what you like, but sometime in your 20s, you have to move past bean bag chairs and futons to real furniture.

Here are some of my "steals"

The chair I got for my birthday...

A chest I bought off craig's list, in great condition.  Midcentury just wasnt the look this couple was going for but they had inherited all these great pieces! NOTE: I used to get on craigs list almost daily to try and find something like this. So have patience!

I also have purchased a leather couch from a local furniture store and took some midcentury pieces from my grandmothers.  Pick a look and stick with it -- shabby chic? traditional? modern? midcentury? etc....buy/find/redo one piece at a time and pretty soon you will have a decent looking room.

#3: a set of presentable dishes

Every single 20something gal needs to invest in some dishes/silverware/glasses.  Gone are the days of 4 matching plate sets from the target college section.  Also gone are using your collection of plastic restaurant and sorority party cups to serve drinks.  Use these when you cook dinner for you, but when you invite 4 friends over for dinner, you need to have real plates.

What do I mean by real plates? 8-12 matching plates, preferably with matching bowls and/or dessert plates.  You don't have to invest in all 4-5 pieces of a setting, but you do need something to serve your guests on for dinner, soup/salad, and maybe dessert.

I think a lot of girls hold on to the concept that  "I will register for nice china when I get married"  and true, you will, but you may live several years of your life before marriage, and in the meantime, you will be hosting dinners, cooking up a special dish for a special guy, having your parents over, etc, so get something presentable now.

If you are like me, you still plan on registering for the everyday and find china you really want when you get married, but you needed some plates now.....and fairly cheap plates and bowls.

Where do you find cheap basic everyday china?  A few ideas:

1. Target -- you can find affordable plates and dishes there.  Stay away from plastic plates and get a color that matches your house well or get basic white (hard to screw up white!)  The important thing is buying atleast 8 place settings.
2. Outlets -- I bought a set of Williams Sonoma plates and bowls several years ago for really cheap at an outlet in Memphis.  Its cute china, is it what I would buy is money was no limit? no. Is it what I would register for? um, maybe. But its a good clean basic white pattern with fun basket weave detail.  all for 50-75 percent off! 
3. Sales -- My mom bought me adorable casafina when a local china store went out of business -- for 75 percent off.  Its cute.  At this point, they lacked 12 plates in any one color but it was one of those mix and match patterns so she bouth four plate and bowl settings of 3 colors and its quite cute. This is a pattern I would have picked out if money were no object (probably just in different colors).  So, check sales at department stores and china stores, particularly if a pattern is going to be discontinued or the store is closing!
4. Gifts - my former roomie slowly collected her everyday china through birthday and Christmas gifts.  This is what she would register for if she was engaged, so its nice, and she knew it would take awhile to accumulate but she started somewhere and now has a full set.

Hope this gives you some inspiration to get some decent plates (and glasses and silverware - also cheap at target, etc) and host a dinner party!

31 Things every 20 something single gal needs (#1 and #2)

I am linking up to this blog to do 31 days on a topic (Yes, I know, I am a little LATE since Oct 1 was yesterday).  My topic of choice: 31 things every 20something gal needs.  Just some things I have picked up on during my 8 years (gross) in this decade.

1. Every 20something gal should have these BASIC clothing items in her closet:

• a flattering pair of jeans
• a perfect suit for interviews
• a cocktail dress that makes you look dynamite
• the perfect date outfit 
• a good work/church dress
• nice work pants/nice pencil skirt

Have all the accessories ready for your perfect interview suit, date outfit and cocktail dress.  Be prepared with a date outfit for a last minute date invite or girls night out.  I have learned this the hard way before! 

There are a few other "non-collegy" items girls need when they move to this young adult stage of life, but these essentials are a good base for weddings, showers, interviews, work presentations, dates, etc. so START with these and then start adding other classic pieces and a few fun pieces.  Splurge on the classics and spend less money on the trends.

(There are some essential accessories but I will discuss these later, and these are more flexible)

2.  Every 20something single gal needs a church home.

When you first move to town, look around and find a good home. But nothing keeps you from establishing a solid Christian community and makes you feel less like a grownup than church-hopping.  Yes, you still have the freedom to go bible studies at different churches, but find a church home, get involved, contribute, make friends (single, married, young, old). Just because you aren't married and don't have a family doesn't mean you aren't able to be a contributing member of a church body.