Sunday, December 18, 2011

Advent: improper waiting

Love this post on how to wait during advent. I will for sure be reading that blog from now on. I love the portion of her post that talks about waiting improperly...My main struggle is waiting hopelessly -- believing that God won't provide, won't sustain, and won't be faithful.  I think we often times think He can't be trusted with our hearts, heartache, longings, prayers- but in truth, He is the only person that can be trusted.

As advent comes to its final week, I want to focus my attention just on waiting for Christ. The entire season reminds us to wait not only on Him, not only His return, but also His faithfulness in present times, but as Christmas day nears, I want to focus on how amazing it is that He came once and will come again --- that all that waiting by His people must have been discouraging, but then He came (quietly, with no big ordeal made) -- and while we wait, in pain, angst, SIN, He will come again. Let us wait on Him, and say "Come, Lord Jesus."

I wait impatiently, because the waiting is really only about obtaining my desire, so naturally I am angry and irritated when it does not happen.

I wait dishonestly, because in order to be angry and irritated about the desire not manifesting, I have to consciously ignore all the amazing blessings, undeserved kindness, and incredible favor the Lord has showered over me in the past year.

I wait with shriveled faith, because my God has become dependent on the gifts he gives, not on the fact that He is the great giver worth pursuing over any thing I could possibly receive.

I wait with shriveled trust, because I put more stock in my own logic and human projections that say, “Look at the facts, Dan. It ain’t gonna happen,” instead of a God that is above science, above circumstances, and loves me more than I could possibly fathom.

I wait hopelessly, for I start to convince myself that though God can do anything for me, he doesn’t want to do anything for me; like he is a stingy, car salesman father who takes some sick satisfaction in withholding.

And I wait selfishly, because when the heartbreaking reality of my own waiting dominates every thought this Christmas season, it automatically means that it’s ME that dominates every thought this Christmas season, not others around me who may be hurting and in need of care and comfort during this difficult time of year.

This year, I want Advent to teach me what it really means to wait humbly for the coming of the Lord. To celebrate His Kingdom come. To get beyond the toys and trappings and twinkling ornamentation that will be piled up at a garage sale five years from now. I want to wait patiently, rightly, boldly; with faith, hope, and eyes wide open to see those who suffer. This Christmas, I want to fall to my knees in trembling anticipation of meeting in the bruised, bare, and bleeding core of my heart the Son of God, Jesus Christ. He who was born in a manger, who lived a perfect life, who served the lost and broken and outcast, he who came to save the world.

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