Friday, June 21, 2013

FINAL thoughts on singleness: KEEP ON LOOKING


Seriously, I strongly dislike comments like "When you quit looking, He'll find you" or even worse, "When you are satisfied in Jesus, he will give you a mate." and these comments come from married folks.

On top of being biblically UNTRUE, it also implies that the speaker did "quit looking" and focused only on Jesus and reached some spiritual level deemed good enough to be blessed with a therefore, be like them.

Now, what people mean to say is this: Don't stress, don't panic, don't obsess.  Be yourself and don't worry if every date you go on is the one.  Thats all true. And if there is any inkling of truth to the whole "I quit looking and found him" theory, its this: when you aren't as worried, you are more fun and more attractive.

But, goodness, ladies, keep on looking.  If you want to get into med school, you may sometimes need to take a night off, but you don't get into med school when you quit trying. You can't get in without studying, taking the MCAT, interviewing!  Same with may need to take time off from looking at times...a weekend in, a couple months after a breakup.  You certainly don't need to always stress and worry, but never quit looking.

And by don't quit looking, I don't mean limit your search to guys who you think meet some checklist in your head. I mean, be open.  Did a guy from church ask you out, but he is not your type? Give hime a chance. Were you invited to a party with people you don't know well? Good, dress up cute and go mingle.

Don't always be thinking -- is this a guy I can marry, but always be thinking - is this a guy I can go on a date with.  Figuring out if its the right guy doesn't happen immediately, deciding he's a sweet enough guy to go to dinner with is pretty easy.

I gave some guys a chance I probably shouldn't have, but being open minded kept me dating and meeting new people.  I think my willingness to meet new people and actively look helped me meet Dave....although along the way, I certainly took breaks from the dating scene several times!

Keep on looking. And, know that looking doesn't mean you don't trust God or that you aren't content in God  (NOTE: You probably aren't content enough in God, none of us are!)  It just means that you hope to meet a great guy to settle down with.  So, live life, keep looking and be open to try new things - online dating, blind dates, giving guys a chance you never thought you would, etc!


  1. I. Love. This. So good, Katy! Several things.

    1. I love your point about not having to know if you are going to marry the guy on the first date. My friend Rozann tells me all the time, "Tiffany, stop panicking. You do not have to know if you want to marry him today. Do you want to go on another date with him?" I say yes. She says, "That's all you have to know right now." Takes so much of the pressure off!

    2. There is nothing I hate worse than the when you stop looking you'll find him, except for when you're more confident in Jesus/more comfortable in your prayer life/whatever other stupid things people say. You don't "earn" a husband. There are plenty of wonderful, Godly, amazing people who never get married. There are also a lot of jerks who do. Totally not the way that you look at it.

    3. Throw the list away. Yep. I mean, still have a basic set of things that are really serious deal breakers, but forget worrying about how tall he is or what color his hair is or what kind of truck he drives. Does not matter!

    Thank you for doing this series. I love it!


  2. Awesome! Tiff's comments too are great. No lie...met Dan after running a 5K on a Sunday, no makeup on a corner on Main Street. I had gone out to have drinks (although I wasn't drinking) and watch a Steelers game at a bar I never go. He said he knew the moment he saw me he knew I was the one and worked his rear off to get me. Happens when you LEAST expect it...I do believe it is in God's time though. He chased me for over a year and just when I was like "I'm enjoying being single" we started a relationship. I think the whole phrase if you are a happy single person, you are a happy person in a relationship is really true"

  3. Hi Katy.
    I've been following your blog since December last year, but only found the courage to leave a comment now.
    I really appreciate it when slightly older single ladies share their experiences in such an honest manner as you are doing with this series (and this whole blog, basically). I've also enjoyed reading about your love story and engagement - can't wait to read about the wedding and see the pictures!
    I hope you'll be able to continue blogging afterwards as I look forward to reading about your new life.

  4. Lora, so glad you posted and so glad you like the blog!! I am honest to a fault, and trust me sometimes it is definitely to a fault!

    I plan on continuing to blog after the wedding and even continuing to blog on singleness and dating. Its a life stage thats near and dear to my heart for good and bad reasons :) And don't worry I will post some wedding pics after the honeymoon!