I promised it awhile ago, didn't I? The engagement story! And life got hectic with work, Chris's death, Christmas, New Years, wedding planning, etc. So hear you go.... A not so perfect love story. (but a perfectly wonderful love story) Our story is greatly romantic and oh so ordinary, all at once.
Our First Date....
I met Dave late December/early January of last year-- our first date was January 11th at mugshots and was one of those first dates you don't want to end, although it was just dinner and burgers and great conversation. Something you should know about me: I am not the type of girl who constantly thinks I met "the one". My friend Alexandria calls me the best casual dater she knows. I was always hoping to meet my husband but didn't quickly jump to the assumption that I had met him. When I was younger, a date was a chance at something and I was always hopeful for more, but the older I got, a date was just a date which meant *hopefully* a good time and a free meal. I didn't ever come home assuming that we would seriously date or get married. And I didn't think Dave was "the one" on the fist date, although I spotted the potential that he was. (and he felt the same way)
But, when my mom asked how the date went I said: "Good, we're going to end up in a relationship." I later asked my mom if she believed me that night when I said that and she said that she did, that a comment like that was very unlike me. But I know that I wanted to see him again... and again ....and again.
And it wasn't long before we were official, although we jokingly say that we were official from date one. I even broke my rule that you should not cancel dates with other guys until you are someone's girlfriend...but after meeting Dave, I didn't want to see anyone else.
Small side note: Dave was 30 minutes late for our first date. I am pretty sure everyone in that restaurant thought, "Oh sweetheart he's not coming" In fact, these college guys kept snickering at me in their booth because every time the door opened, I looked up thinking it was Dave! But, he did show up (we were coming from two different directions and he didn't exactly know how long it would take, obviously) and he charmed me, despite his tardiness!
When I knew I would marry him....
I can still pinpoint the moment that I knew I would marry him. It was February and we were sitting in his truck at a gas station in meadeville, ms riding out a huge storm. We met halfway between Brookhaven (where I work) and Church Hill (where he lived) in a town that literally had one restaurant and a gas station. (after that, we realized it was best for one person to drive the full hour to the other ha!) We had our first fight (over a subject we had bickered over a little bit a few days earlier) and he was being stubborn and we kind of dropped the subject. Five minutes later, out of nowhere, he hugged me and said, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. I am bad at saying I'm sorry, but I want to learn to be better at it for you." At that moment, I realized that he was changing (hopefully for the better !!) for me and I knew I was changing for the better for him. If we could bring out the good in eachother (most of the time) and if we helped each other improve our weaknesses, the we would be good together. By the way, a week or two later, he brought up that he thought he would marry me, although he still can't pinpoint the moment he knew. And from then on, we went through our relationship with the end goal of marriage.
Not so perfect...but perfect
I think that knowing you've met the right guy 7 weeks in is great....it certainly made our dating intentional. But, it is hard when you can't get married for awhile. At first we talked about marriage like it would be a lot sooner, but then some known hindrances came our way (school, jobs, etc) and some unknown hindrances (tough times for my family) and things slowed down. I won't lie, waiting to be married when I already knew was hard, and even now, I often wish we could skip over the wedding and be married. I think that the waiting was particularly hard for me because I am out of school so I had always figured when I finally met the right guy, I would know quickly (check) as would he (check) and we would be planning marriage early on (check) and end up married within a year (ummm.....) But the same timeline does not apply when you are in school like Dave is. We started out approaching marriage like it was a lot quicker (but Dave was out of school working for the semester) However, as school got closer and closer, we realized it would be longer.
As I said about our love story, it's far from "perfect" We fell quickly but could not have a whirlwind romance. We had plenty of struggles and hardships to work through, some of them involving our family, some involving school or work and some were just normal couple struggles. I also see how God used the past year to teach us how to love eachother better, trust God in our circumstances and prepare for a lifetime together. We both have been hurt and we both have fears and I am glad we used our time of dating/engagement to address these fears.
our story isn't perfect (whose is?), but its good and happy. I think what made me certain Dave was the guy I wanted to spend my life with was that although things weren't perfect, they still just worked. We weren't trying to make it work. We also weren't brushing over conflict. Things weren't perfect, but as a whole, we just really clicked together
The proposal...
Was I surprised??? Um,yes but not really. Dave told me in August or September that we would be engaged by 2013 and well, it was the last 2 weeks of 2012 so I was expecting it every single time we hung out....as evidenced by how stylish and put together I looked almost every evening for 3 weeks. However, I really assumed it would be Christmas Eve with my family. Dave tried to throw me off a bit by a couple fun evenings including a night where he texted me to cancel my plans, put a pretty dress on and be ready at 7. He took me to the theater....but I did briefly think, maybe this is it! However, the next week, he made plans to take me to Walker's, my favorite restaurant which he had never gone to before. We were waiting to go until the holidays or a special occasion because its pricy.
I suspected, but then again I also really thought it would be over Christmas. We had a lovely meal and looking back, I can see how nervous he seemed. We talked a bit about marriage and the future and I gave him a gift (I was doing the 12 days of Christmas and it was day 7). He didn't let me order dessert because he was "full" but really we were late to an "engagement party" with family and friends. On the way back to the car (we parked way far away!), we stopped in front of Duling Hall where there are lights and he said "I have a christmas gift for you too" and got down on his knees and asked me to marry him. I said yes and kissed his forehead then we put the ring on. We didn't spend long hugging, kissing and celebrating before he rushed me along. I said "wait I want to look at my ring!"He said "we will look in the car" At that point, I realized that we were going somewhere else, most likely to see my family, because he was hurrying us along so much. We drove around the corner and he said, "Let's get some holiday coffee" (really, we just got engaged, we haven't called our parents and you want holiday coffee??? suuurrree....) We walked into a local coffee/beer place with my friends and family in the back room ready to celebrate with drinks and petit fores.
We hurried because bless his heart, even with reservations, it took them a long time to seat us. Our engagement party group had been waiting 30+ minutes. Also some of my friends were cold in the bushes to take pics of the proposal but they didn't really turn out due to the lack of light. Poor Sarah (who helped plan my engagement) had to go to the hospital for an asthma attack in memphis and couldn't make it last minute) As I said, life is rarely perfect, even when planned out!! But we had a wonderful time. So many people have loved me for years, good and bad, and I am glad I got to see a lot of them afterwards. I always wanted a private proposal with famiy celebration afterwards. And my sweet Dave gave me that. He also gave me the loveliest ring. Marley said it was adorable how he had researched and knew exactly what I wanted and what he should get. One of my favorite qualities about Dave is that he listens. He wanted me to have what I want.
When I saw my sisters and family, I teared up. It was the first time in all the hurry that I had a chance to get emotional. But mainly I was just estatic, so glad to announce to the world what I already knew: I had met the one for whom my soul loves! (song of sol. 3:4)
Dave and I then went home and contacted a few friends and family and my sweet roomie (who had to miss the party) had a bottle of champagne and we all drank some. Then Dave and I had private time celebrating and talking about the future, probably my favorite time of the evening, because I finally had time to stop and realize my blessings!
My thoughts...
I know, I know, you're thinking, aren't the rest your thoughts too? Well yes, but hold on, you will be getting a lot of my thoughts on singleness/marriage/God's faithfulness these days. In fact I want to do a whole post on it.
Dave and I don't have the perfect love story in that whole "Christian fairytale" sense. He wasn't my first love, my first kiss, etc. Bless his heart, he isn't always the most romantic. And bless his heart even more, I certainly am not always the sweetest girl who doesn't nag or bicker. But he is good to me. So good to me. And I have dated the boys who say the right things but then don't stand by you (and your family) through good and bad. And I would rather have the one who sticks by you. Sure I wasn't his first love, sure he has a little baggage and goodness knows I do, but I am his last love and his favorite love and he is mine, and if my past heartaches made me the girl he loves then I am grateful for the pain.
Also, I am just in awe of God's faithfulness. I see why the moms who struggled to get pregnant seem so much more enamored with motherhood. All moms love their kids (well, most atleast) but these seem to have a true appreciation that only longing, prayer, tears and trusting in God's faithfulness can provide. I feel the same about Dave. I am seriously so stinking excited to be Dave's wife. And as opposed to my previous engagement where I was in love and happy, I am now in love and happy and GRATEFUL. Seriously, I don't think I have ever been so grateful in my life. I probably praise God every day for bringing me through hard times and providing far more than I deserve. Pain does make Joy even more sweeter and makes you even more grateful because you realize what blessings you have.
I wish I had gotten married younger. I wish I met Dave earlier. But I do love approaching marriage from this viewpoint: God has been with me, good and bad. God will be with US in our MARRIAGE both good and bad. Pain will come our way again, but I have seen God's faithfulness in sustaining and providing. I will hopefully look back at my 20s and know that God is trustworthy and present.
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