2. Answered PrayersI very rarely really like someone - I have only dated 3-4 guys that I actually was crazy about. I get along with a lot of people and I go on many dates and sometimes I will even date a guy for awhile because I care for him and I think more chemistry might develop (I am a big believer that "LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT" is a bunch of crap....many times you get to know someone's personality and then you like them a lot more than at first)
I actually met the guy I was dating (E) while on a date with someone else 6 months ago. THAT date went nowhere partially because he was dumb enough to invite his friend (E) along with us and it was clear that E and I hit it off better than my date and I did (boys: dont bring competition to your date, also as a girl, its kindof insulting that you didnt think you could be alone with me for 2 hrs without other company). A casual flirtation persisted for months, off and on, suggestions of a date, but never a date until beginning of September (as one could expect, its awkward to ask a girl out whom you met through your friend who was on a date with her). There was the illusive chemistry from day one (back last March) -- which is wonderful, except when you are practical like me and trying to decide if this is a boy you want to date seriously.
As I got to know E, I had some reservations, many of them cleared up through discussion and getting to know him, but unlike others I have had such an immediate connection with, I still felt concern based on some of the differences we had. However, sometimes differences are good and grace is required. I didn't want to make a hasty decision and I really liked him. I am the type of person who picks people apart, so I did not know if my concerns came from real issues or from me looking to find a flaw, like I often do. So, I decided that the best thing to do was to pray....
Not to just pray that he was the one I should be with (as I think EVERY girl does before every first date , haha - please Lord let this be my last first date!), but to pray that if he wasn't the one, God would slam the door and do it quickly, before more feelings were involved for both of us. For good measure, I also specifically prayed that it would end in a way where I was so irritated that I didn't sit around still pining for the boy.
And...after a couple weeks of prayers, thats exactly what happened...a clear shut door, complete with a personal attack prior to giving his real reason. I'm glad he attacked me. Had things just ended because he wanted to put work before relationships again, then I would probably have still wanted to be with him. But, being attacked and lied to made me furious, eager to shut the door myself.....In fact, I believe after speaking my peace, my exact words were I'm tired of this, I am going to bed now, goodnight. I had no desire to sit there and try to convince him we should keep dating. God answered me-- even down to the smallest details (let it be in a way that irritates me...)
A solid and firm NO makes things easier to move on from. I wish all relationships ended so clearly. True, this is not the answer I wanted. After all, I always HOPE the guy and the relationship is as good as it seems at first. But, if you ask God to answer your prayers and believe He can, you must accept the NO answers too, and you must accept that your answers may come in ways you don't want. (sidenote: last year, in a dating situation, I had a "wait" answer which I truthfully believe is far harder than a NO...because you don't know if and when to move on or if and when to hope)
God heard me....and he responded, even down to the last detail. And, strangely enough, my NO makes me even more confident that God is working to provide blessings in my life. Because if He heard my request to end it quickly and clearly, He is also hearing my daily petitions for a spouse and may even be working to provide as I type this sentence.
And, what is more is He is hearing my prayers for friends' salvation, prayers for family members, prayers for healing, etc. If He can answer a prayer request so trivial in the grand scheme of things (if things end, let him irritate me so the breakup will be easier...) then certainly He is even more concerned with the larger prayer requests...the broken hearts, the failing marriages, the lonely singles, the childless women, the sick family members. It may seem impossible to you that God could save your child or heal your suffering. Like me, you may be waiting for a spouse or a child and based on the past dissapointments, you believe it would take a miracle for that to happen.
Luckilly, our prayers are heard by someone who can orchestrate circumstances far better than we could imagine.... who can answer small and big requests. And I needed to be reminded of that.
So, strangely enough, I learned to believe in God's provision through his NO. I am excited to see how much more He teaches me when the answer is YES.