I don't really want to tackle this topic, but I'm forging through. My first love broke my heart, but truth is, most people's first loves break their hearts or vice versa right? Because most of us don't marry the first man or woman we cared for...
So, I don't want to claim to have the upper hand on pain and losing a love. But, I will claim my loss was different than most people's... most people dont lose their first love and their fiance all at once. They don't mourn a broken heart and a broken engagement. But, I did. And God had plans for that in my life, plans to use it to grow me, to strengthen me, and to prepare me for His purposes... I am not glad I went through this, but I am glad I have a Father who got me through it and who redeemed (redeems) it.
So, how do I talk about my first love? How about I just mention the good? Because there were definitely some good qualities I loved and would look for again: intelligent, educated, similar interests, christian, moderate, loves the south, goal oriented.
Also, there were all the fun things about the first love and what was even more fun for us is that we were eachother's first love...so first kisses, first "i love you's", first important discussions were all new to both of us. That part was very fun!
However, the most important part...
What I learned from my First Love is that I already had a First Love that would never leave me.
Do I live my life this way? Not Always, in fact, most of the time, No. But the truth remains, I was loved long before my ex-fiance loved me and I was loved in the moments it ended and even now. I was loved through months of screaming and crying and doubting. I'm loved every day, the days I am dating someone, the days I am not. And if I never fall in love again, I will still have been loved far more than anyone else could love me and infinitely more than I deserve.
Sometimes I would put my earthly "first love" ahead of the Lord, sometimes I will put the next love above the Lord, sometimes I put my friends first and I know there will be sometimes I put my children first. But even when I fail to love the Lord as I should, he does not fail to love me the way I shouldn't be loved. As painful as my engagement ending was, I realize that I have abandoned my Lord time and time again. I have done what my ex did to me, and I do it continuously.
And although I would never repeat my first love or the hard lessons it taught me, I know that in some ways, being pointed back to my REAL FIRST LOVE is the biggest blessing a relationship could have given me.
And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy.
Belle and some goats
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