Thursday, March 28, 2013

Mommy Wars: the Biblical answer

I've previously written about the Mommy Wars.  But this lady says it amazingly, so check her post out.

I have a couple things to add to that post.  To those of us who don't have babies, these constant debates seem silly.  Not because you have a certain parenting style, BUT because you get so caught up in finding the right way and proving that its the right way that you overlook what great moms you already are.....the fact that you simply think things through like breastfeeding or formula, natural childbirth or hospital birth, etc shows you care about your children.

Also, you are also obsessing over the small things. LOTS of people want babies. Many women have lost babies...those women would love to have a child - in a bathtub, in a hospital, with cloth diapers, with disposable, homeschooled, public school, etc.  They just want kids and want to raise and love them the best they can.

So certainly don't quit believing what you believe and raising your kids the way you feel is best, just realize that if your neighbor works part time or uses formula or cosleeps, they love their kids too...

because the plans, programs, schedules, ideologies that you are raising your kids on may be good, may even be best, but they certainly aren't biblical.  It is quite possible that someone can also do motherhood biblically in another different way.

So, breathe a sigh of relief, you don't have to find the best program and follow it perfect!!

In the author's words....

"Parenting programs took over churches. Cultural cliques were formed overnight. Parenthood, and motherhood by extension, became a matter of "doing it right." Schedules and disciplines and programs ruled the day and your success was judged by the behavior of your children. Those who succeeded at the program gloated in their success and gave out exhausting and exalted advice, all with an air of superiority and self-righteousness. Those who just couldn't get with the program were left feeling like desperate failures as parents.

Somewhere along the way we began to believe a lie. And it is a LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL. The lie that there is one right way to be a mother. The lie that we must make every RIGHT decision or the consequences will be catastrophic. The lie that we can control our children's lives. The lie that being a failure as a mother is a fate worse than death.

Run, I say, RUN to pick up your Bible. Turn to Micah 6:8 and read aloud what it says. "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does The Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

No mention of childbirth techniques or clever birth announcements. No mention of diapers, cloth or not. No mention of schedules. No mention of highchair manners. No mention of education. No mention of medical advances or food sources. No mention of anything specific at all.

God does not require of you to be a perfect mother. The minute you begin to gloat over your successes or wallow in your failures you are using the wrong measuring stick.

So if you want to put your baby in all organic diapers and grow and make your own baby food, go right ahead. If you just gave your toddler a can of cold Spaghetti-os for lunch, no problem, you are in good company (even if no one else admits it). If you can homeschool with delight and your kids thrive in the environment, good for you. If you feel that a professional teacher may be a better choice for your child, you may be right. If you are concerned about vaccines and decide to withhold them, fine. If you are concerned about communicable diseases and feel that having immunizations are in the best interest of your children, go for it.

We are limited and finite and can only do so much. God created us with different strengths and weaknesses, gives us different resources, places us in different circumstances. This one-size-fits-all-robot-Stepford-mom stuff is robbing us of our joy and pulling us away from what we were created to do: To do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with our God."

1 comment:

  1. I love this, Katy! I always feel so bad for my mom friends when these type of mommy wars start and they have to deal with them. I'm sharing your blog with them all!