Friday, March 8, 2013

Soulmates? or Not?

I fully believe that there is No such thing as a Soulmate.

Believing in a soulmate sets you up for dissapointment.  You will be shocked if your boyfriend or spouse lets you down. You will be so confused if he hurts you.

Soulmates are impossible.  We are all sinners and sinners hurt eachother and fail and sometimes screw up.

Believing in a soulmate increases your chances of discontentment and possibly divorce. When someone doesn't please you enough anymore, it would be easy to assume that this is not your soulmate, that you made a mistake, that you need to end things and keep looking.  Likewise, if dating, a belief in a soulmate could keep you from ever settling down.

I'm marrying a great guy who loves Jesus and loves me well.  He is not my soulmate.  He can't complete me, nor can I complete him.  Sometimes he drives me crazy and goodness knows, I annoy him. We are opposites in many ways. (My roomate, her fiance and the two of us talked about that just last night -- how funny it is that both couples were opposites)  But you know what? Although we don't see eye to eye on everything and always complete eachothers sentences and walk on clouds and rainbows all day, our differences really challenge and improve eachother.

"The good news, however, is that in marriage God gives us someone far better than a soulmate. He gives us the person who is exactly right for us. He gives us the husband or wife who will help us become more like Jesus Christ. Sometimes that’s a painful process for both spouses. It doesn’t feel “soulmate-ish”....It’s hard and it requires work. But as we seek to serve each other, the end result is that we both love God more and we both love each other more."

Ouch. That doesn't sound fun, but it also sounds exactly like what I need.  At the same time, it sounds great....that someone will literally be used by God to help make me a better person, painful as that process may be.

For the record, I think God uses friends, roomates and family in this process too.  Being a tool in God's sanctification of another person is  not limited to marriage, but marriage (and possibly parents and children) are probably some of the most intimate ways this process works. 

And although I am very glad the man I ended up with was Dave, he is not my soulmate. So its good that we don't find soulmates, but instead are able to be with someone who is right for us, in both good and difficult ways.

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