Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Every 20something Single Gal should have...the grand finale!

FINALLY, I am finishing up my series on "What Every 20 something Single Gal should have..."


Singles have a little more freedom - to travel, be spontaneous, stay up late, go to parties. We don't have to schedule couple time or consider our partner's needs or get a babysitter.  And that's good because (a) we need to meet men, we need to be out and about at all the holiday parties, church get togethers and tailgates that we get invited to; and (b) its one of the pluses of singleness that you can and do get to go to, enjoy, and experiance a lot.  Even on the days where I have hated singleness, I must admit that this is a perk. :)

However, always being busy is exhausting.  And there is a pressure to go go go because what if you miss the most fun party of the year or what if you miss the party where your future husband is. GOODNESS! One of the things I look forward to when I date someone is having more of a schedule, and having a schedule that allows me time to stay in and rest!

Do yourself a favor. Plan well, make a schedule.  Go to tons of parties, but KNOW when you need a night in... or when you need to get laundry done. If you have a good schedule, you can plan ahead for a busy weekend full of get togethers and parties because you rested up and did laundry the week before.

ALSO give yourself some routine.  Pick a show you watch every week, read for 30 min for bed, do yoga every morning, etc.  Routines allow you to feel a little more in control of life.


Although you know I believe in being honest about the struggles of singleness while in dialogue, I do believe that you should walk through life without letting singleness hold you back. Walk through your single days like you feel very confident, even on the moments you don't.  Don't feel like sitting alone at church when your best friend is out of town? Just dig down deep and do it.  Don't want to go another family holiday event alone? Suck it up and get through the day.  Don't want to have to answer one more question on your singleness? Buck up and do it.  

SINGLENESS requires a confidence and nerve.  You learn to walk into parties, church, events alone.  You learn to field questions about your dating life.  You field off rude comments about how you will understand when you're married.  SINGLENESS causes you to crumble or dig down deep, have a little confidence and learn to be polite but firm and independent.  Although most moments of your single life may be grand, there will be a time when you may walk into that party feeling 100 percent alone, but put on a smile and fake it til you make it. Seem like the independent confident womean that you don't feel like.


Face it, you don't have a built-in handy man, so you have three options: learn to do some manly things yourself, make some good male friends (and trade the cookies and other baked goods for their help moving or fixing your sink) or make enough money to call an expect.  LIKELY, you will do a combination of all 3.  But start with some tools and the ability to kill a roach without screaming ;)


Being single is tough sometimes -- as I've mentioned, you've got to fake confidence sometimes, learn manly skills, live in hope but prepare for permenant singleness should that be the case, develop your own traditions, meals, households, etc.  And you WILL screw up sometimes, probably a lot if you are like me, so have a little grace with yourself - and others.  I think a plus of getting married later is that your personality and expectations have a chance to soften. You don't walk into marriage and motherhood expecting them to be easy because you've lived a little more life by the time you've gotten married, and because unfortunately you've seen friends struggle through unhappy marriages and difficult children.  So, you know that life must be taken with a grain of salt and with plenty of grace because people let you down and you fail.

So, above all, have a little grace in your 20s.  You will faill at dating. You will fail at family.  You will fail at work. You will fail with friends.  BUT you will also have some successes and lots of growth.

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