Monday, July 2, 2012

Dating/Relationship Series #7: Move

(This post is somewhat inspired by a girl I read about on Kellys Korner here. She felt like God wanted her to move so she did and immediately met the right man in her new location --after years of waiting! )

I am not joking, some people will think what I am saying is drastic....BUT maybe if you aren't meeting any men or women in your area, you should move.

Seriously, one of my good friends is about to move to a bigger city and meeting new men is one of the reasons why.  I admire her honest approach.  She didn't quit her job immediately, but her contract is up and she does not HAVE to renew it, so why not get another job in a different city. She has been here and dated some but feels that she is not meeting anyone new, so instead of whining about no men in Jackson, she is doing something about it.  I like that.

I have another friend who told me she is giving it a year.  If she still isn't dating someone, she may move her business to a bigger different city.

I am not moving, but I will share my own experiance with this idea of relocating yourself to meet men.
I had dated but not met the right man.  I was very frustrated...but at the same time, I was happy with my life. I love my community of friends, I love being close to my family, I like my job, I love where I live, I like my church.  I didn't WANT to leave Jackson, but felt like I had already met most of the men in my circles in Jackson -- and either (1) they were married; (2) we had already dated; or (3) one or both of us didn't want to date the other one.

I did not want to leave Jackson for all the above mentioned reasons but I didn't want to wake up in 10 years single because I stayed where I was comfortable. But certainly, leaving a very good life behind is not a decision you make too quickly

I was telling my sister my problem this fall, and her advice was simple: give yourself a moving timeline and pray you meet someone before then.  SIMPLE enough, and she was able to give such good advice because she wasn't in my spot and was able to look at the situation objectively. No drastic measures, bathed in prayer.

So I decided that if I did not meet a great man to date by summertime, I would start looking up jobs in DC and sending in apps (not necessarily move, but start making the steps to move and see which doors God opeend)  That gave me 9 mths to go on dates and try to meet people.  That gave me 9 months to pray. That gave me 9 mths to seek the Lord's will.  I prayed that I would not have to leave Jackson, but that if I needed to, I asked the Lord to make it clear.

And, in late december, I met the man I am currently dating.  I'm not saying I will never move to DC, but I am not moving now.  Had I not met him, I would currently be sending my resumes and applications to various think tanks and governmental agencies.  I am glad the Lord made it clear what I should do.  I'm extremely grateful that atleast for now, I get to stay in Jackson, but had He wanted me to move, I would be grateful that He made my path clear.

I know some people will disagree with my advice to consider moving, BUT I think that if you were unhappy with your job, had no friends, had no good churches to attend in your current location, you would consider moving, wouldn't you? You would pray daily about it and seek the Lord's will on where you should be located.  Why won't you do the same regarding dating and marriage????

So, here is my advice (take it or leave it) Maybe you live in a small town or the city you grew up in and feel like you already know everyone in. Maybe you live in a place that lacks many Christians.  It is possible that the best way to meet a spouse is to move to a place where you can meet more people.. however it is possible that the Lord has the perfect man for you in your small town of 10,000...or in a different city but you meet through friends.  So jumping into a move is not the best thing to do.

(1) give yourself a timeline (1 year, 9 months, etc) to pray and expand your circles in your current location and to seek the Lord's will

(2) give some thought to where you would move -- do you want to know a few people there already? or go somewhere completely new? Is there a good job market there? Is there a good church? Are there young people? Are there Christians? It does no good to move somewhere with the same limitations as where you currently live..a lot of sacrifice for no benefit.

(3) Pray. Pray you meet soemone and don't have to move.  Pray that the Lord makes it clear to move. Pray.

(4) Expand your circles in your current city. Is your church lacking a lot of people your age? Visit another church some, atleast for a Bible study, etc.  Go to different places/restaurants/parties. Join a club. Try online dating. Blind dates. Etc. Etc.  Maybe there are lots of eligible men in your city but you just got stuck hanging out with the same ones all the time.

(5) improve yourself.  You may be moving within the year, so you should drop those extra 10 pounds and move looking your best! Or maybe while you are losing the weight or dressing cuter, etc, you will meet someone in your current location.

(6) decide if its worth it.  Some people love where they live so much that they would stay there for awhile and risk not meeting anyone. Do you love your job, friends, church more than you want to meet someone? If so, great, you may not want to move.  I love my life, but I wanted to meet someone badly enough that it was worth moving if need be.

**As I said, this is a drastic measure, although less drastic when you are young and single, but its one you might consider.  You never know....

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